A part of me.. Wants to feel bad but, it's time to end this.

Full Title: A part of me, it wants to feel bad for doing this but I can't. I've got to drive the final nail in this coffin... I must see this through...

*I'm sitting here on an old wooden rocking chair. It creaks as I slightly rock back and forth while looking through a large window that is right infront of me. As my eyes look upon the snow covered landscape outside. I think about how much winter use to get me excited. "Winter is always the best time of my life" is something that I'd say. Back then during those days. That was true. Some examples: I first met my soulmate during the winter. I became a "father" during that time of year as well. That poor child.. *

The chair, it begins to rock a little faster as shocks gradually begin to feed through my nerves at a steadier pace.. The sound of a crack can be heard just before a bottle finds its way onto my lap. This jug of a clear liquid with an amber tint is raised up to my lips. I think about the fact that all of my best moments; Each one of them are gone.. I can feel his grip tightens around me.. Slowly but surely, each and every tear that I have left is leaving me.. My life is becoming a hollow shell and a small part of me; Fears what I could become..

The color of my face becomes dark red as the blood rushes too my head. I can sense emotion as there are a few tears that leave my eyes.. And at that moment, I know what I have to do.. There can be only one answer to what ales me.. My lips finally receive the bottle as the clear-amber liquid begins to quickly leave the glass container.. I keep drinking this bottle as good times in my sight, begin to fade. Along with them goes the pain. All into my stomach where they must hide for this time..

Pain, is not only a humbling thing but it also is a crippling emotion.. Too some, pain represents dominance, while others cringe to look it straight in the eyes.. Right now, in this point of life. I'm neither afraid of pain nor will I welcome it.. I've honestly had my fill of mental pain already. Physical pain; that is something that will pass with time.. A broken bone, split head or any other kind of bodily harm can be diminished Jamo.. It's the stuff that sticks with you that scares me... Those never ending reels that flash their pictures inside your mind.. These things, torment me too the point of insanity..

As far as I'm concerned, you can flex your muscles all you want. Please, show the scars all over your body and tell me how you're going to show me a ritual that I've never experienced.

*The camera focuses in on Rumpke's face which is covered with old scars.. Then it pans to look upon his bare chest which also has a roadmap that would show previous wounds to difference sections.*

Do you want to know a weakness of mine Jamo? I never listed this before because its up to my opponents to find a weakness.. Yet, let me do you a favor; And the only reason that I'm doing this for you is because you're a fucking idiot that wouldn't understand this as a weakness but at times. I'm way too aggressive for my own good. Even though I understand how cat and mouse works very well. I won't care in the heat of the moment Jamo. My aim is to punch your head off of your shoulders. You're welcome for that insight Jamo.. I couldn't give a shit if your dumbass knew or not. After all, you wouldn't know what to do with that information; would you Mr. Psycho Monster?

You want to parade all of your hardcore championships. I've fought in countless hardcore matches and came away with... Five.. Obviously you're the favored combatant if we ever met in a full fledged hardcore match? If you honestly believe that Jamo, then you're more of a fool than I give you credit for being... I know you don't see it now, you're blinded by a full fledged onslaught that is quite frankly weaker than mine was when I first joined this prestigous federation. The fight you bring at the moment, i'd like to say that it doesn't hold a candle to what I could put you through Jamo yet that would be nice of me too say that.. The most honest way I'm able to put this is that the shrimp feed on you, the larger fish feed on them, then the seals eat those fish.. I eat the seals you fucking piss-ant... And while you might want to think that I'm just trying to say that with no merit, I couldn't possibly be that better than you are? That's exactly what I'm saying Jamo... I know that Lucas hates to see this quote because it is completely unoriginal and it could be completely be biased to the one saying it but the truth is Jamo. I'm leagues beyond you.. The birth of Jamo, is too fresh; He's lacks everything but the chaos driven demon that dominates all of us.. You've got what I'm beginning to become. There's a shell around you Jamo and you think that means you're strong but that's your only defense. There's no offense to what you bring Jamo. Sure, I'll atleast give you a smidge of praise. You did the best you could to step up to me. Better than you've done your whole career in SFT too this date but that feeble performance and what is to follow.. None of that matters Jamo... Because I shattered that performance just as I would anything else you brought my way.

Jackson already knows, why do you think he's kept his mouth shut this whole time? That tall linky fuck doesn't want anything to do with this short and stubby fucker that speaks to you now. Because he knows what is waiting for him. He's going to be a good little bitch and take his ass kicking. Then maybe he'll come back and try to convince some undercard competetors how he is training hard while taking his vitamins and saying his prayers.. He's going to save that mindless speech or demonstration for another time Jamo. Because he know's that he's beat. You're too stupid to understand it at this time but once I take everything you've got to through at me. You'll completely understand why I'm the drunken brawler. Never again will you have any doubt about what I'm capable of, and you'll understand that your painfests.. Where you hope to intimidate others with their own blood. That time where you hope that they'll crash due to a light headed feeling will get you nowhere with me.. You'll understand that I've spent my life going while I was light headed. It's a reality for me, one that doesn't weaken me yet makes me push harder.. That has always been my way of life. I see blood, even if it is my own and my aggression skyrockets. I don't get weaker Jamo, I push harder..

And, I'll tell you that you're a fucking fool to ever believe in yourself as much as you do when you step into a SFT ring. You want to think that I'm one of the very best that this business has to offer? Ha! No you fucking idiot but I am the bar that seperates the weak minded from those that are worthy to say that their a part of SFT. I'm not the best here in SFT. I'll never have the legacy that others have accomplished but that doesn't hurt me Jamo.. Those people were honestly better than I was then and it's likely that their better than I am now. But don't let that fool you because I'm a formidable as well as unstable opponent. And even though those unnamed people received my praise.. If it ever came down to it.. Between me and them. I'd push myself 100x harder than I am now.. They'd get too meet that bar head and I'd be ready to test my unorthadoxed approach against them. Some of those champions of SFT that I hold well above my own legacy have already seen this recently. Sure, I didn't beat them all but never did any of them pin me.. Will that continue to happen? I don't know that and I'd never try to predict that because I honestly cant even though I've got an unsurmountable faith in who I am.. Yet, I can guarantee this Jamo.. The next day, they'll be grabbing at their backs. Reaching for their ribs; Or even eating through a straw.. I may not be the best of all time in SFT but you can bet your ass that I'll command the respect of a bar that sets the height.. While I'm in mental pain everyday and want to give up.. When it comes time to represent SFT. If I'm able to, I will and if I'm not at that time. Granted that I'm not six feet under.. I'll come back and fix the wrongs too see that they are right much like my quest is right now. I wasn't there that night where you beat Louis to become the Intercontinental champion but as I had said previous.. That was bullshit and I'm going to correct that, because it has to fall upon me.. I'm getting to that unhealthy stage Jamo, when I obsess over it.. That frame of mind where all I can do is think about what horrors I'm going to show you.. Its getting to the point where I feel Steele getting stronger inside. After all of these years, he's gaining traction and becoming a threat to my sanity once again. Yet, it's not just you Jamo even though you might want to take credit for all of it. There are many winds blowing that would seek to make me bend. Yet, I'm here now, a battered and broken man.. Ready to go to war with you if it comes down to it even though you hardly represent a person that could stand toe to toe with me.. All of you crazy motherfuckers are a dime a dozen Jamo.. Each of you always represents everything that is black in life but never do any of you hold onto any resemblance of life.. Is that because life is weak Jamo? Why do you shit for brain idiots think that way? You think that means that you're strong because you gave up life or is it because you're trying to hide the truths from all of us which would imply that you're weak? Are you afraid to share the sensitive stuff in your mind? Do you fear how that could be brought against you? If that's the case then I'll tell you that you need to step up too the plate.. First thing, you've got to honestly and truly have no fear of what others could use against you. And you'll know when you hit that point in your life because you'll lay it out for all to see while daring them to smell blood in the water...

*As time goes by, I look out the window and see the darkness all around me but the light; It reflects brightly from the moon.. And that light is intensified by the snow covered landscape outside...*

You shouldn't care what others think about you and I'm not telling you that so you'll keep being an idiot while pretending that you've got no fears.. Jason Vorhees, Michael Myers and many others weren't heartless, they all had their moments where they weren't a monster and those fragments in time.. Didn't show how they were weak but it did show how they were human.. That didn't make them weak because those entities were far from weak but it showed a moment of restraint because they had to think about what they had to do. Did they honestly want to do this? Were they prepared to sink their teeth on something they held high?

You want me and others to believe that you're a monster but I honestly and truly know different. I'm fully aware at what a monster is.. I feel him every minute of the day. I've seen him in action and Jamo. You're horror story is laughable compared to his. Do you want me to believe that you're possesed? If that were the case then I'd be up against a diety in human form. And I assure you that I've seen so much worse than that.. I've fought the demon of war in the flesh, multiple times and I'll never be scared of you Jamo! It doesn't matter what you do to show the sickness that you feel. I've got that same sickness flowing through my veins and sadly, I'll admit that it is as pure as it gets.. There's never a day that goes by where I don't see a true hell. The pain, and helplessness while wishing you could warn others.. There's no fighting it Jamo, and you'll never accept it.. The torture; is too much for any human being, even those that are possessed.. Because the minute you join the hell that I speak of.. You come face to face with the diety that helped you get there and even the smallest of these beings are ten times stronger than you are.. They'll have their way with you and keep doing it because they can Jamo.. It doesn't matter who you are or what you were capable of. When that spirit abandons you and you're left alone in their world.. All of us Jamo feed the sharks that previously fueled our fire... I don't want that for myself, do you?

*I toss the empty bottle and a shattering sound is heard. That sound is heard by another crack as I prepare to feed or keep my spirit at bay..*

Simply put Jamo, if you can't keep up with me, it seems as if you want to dive into the darkness just so you can hide from me. In their world Jamo, to hide is to fear... And you should fear me because I'm obviously unlike anyone you've ever faced. Fear the darkness Jamo.. Don't rely on a false sense of security that'll leave you when you find yourself alone without hope.. Their words of destruction, the promises of a chaotic victory is how they talk "sweet" to a twisted soul and they want you to relish on every word of that.. These beings want you to fully rely on them..Why give them hope of seeing you where there will be only their rules? Are you more of an idiot than I give you credit for Jamo? Do you honestly want that? Do you understand what that means? If it doesn't then thats on you to think about it. I'm done preaching to you. I sound like a tormented Saint Jude..

The fact is Jamo, you either don't belong here or you've not found your true path yet.. The road your taking is predicatable and while you might like to think that it can't be stopped.. This route you take can be stopped. I know that and I'm going to stop you this time.. The next time, you'll either summon those demons to see you through or you'll find a different path. Either way Jamo, I'm not afraid of any type of nightmare that you want to empower you. I'm the sick son of a bitch that'll walk into that nightmare of yours, dance circles around you while taking every ounce of pain that you wish to deal me before putting you on your ass and walking out just as a true SFT veteran would..

 I don't decide which fork in the road you take from here on but I will enforce the bar that I stand for because I care about this place! I don't want to see bullshit champions reign here when they honestly don't deserve it. That is you Jamo.. You're the honest to god definition of a paper champion. One that couldn't hold his fort to a meager breath that would seek to fold that fort of yours over... Some people have asked me recently, why am I so harsh on you.. It's not because I'm heartless. I've not crossed that line yet and I pray that never happens.. The reason I'm so cold to you Jamo... It isn't of how you try to build yourself up to be this crazy monster that I know can be broken.... It's not because You try to praise your hardcore heritage. Winning all of these titles like that is an achievement despite the fact that you've obviously only took on former paper champions such as yourself. The reasons that I'm so hard on you is because I'm the abrasive truth that will one day help you become a person that honestly deserves to call himself a fighter.. If you can follow me, if you dare to try to keep up with me. I'll turn you inside out and I'm the person that'll recreate this so called beast known as Jamo..

As it is now Jamo, the other cold hard truth. The otherside of the coin that you don't want to hear is that you're simply a paycheck to me.. The pain that I'm about to put you through, your blood that is spilt.. These spiritual feelings that you feel about a nightmare of chaos that would bring forth pain. I don't only walk into this forsaken land of yours to put you on your ass..

All of that is about to happen to you is driven by so much more than a one sided thought of creating chaos and shedding blood. It goes beyond my belief in SFT and what it should be.. This "fight" (If it even deserves too be called that..) is food for my daughter. Not only that but it also feeds every single addiction that I must feed. All of these mouths, their not cheap Jamo but they must find their nourishment or I'll truly go insane...

*I hate to leave all of you hanging, I know that I could've said more. This message could go alot further than it did but I'm tired; I've felt enough of Steele clawing at the wall to my mind.. I've got to put this demon to sleep so I can get the rest that I need to shove it back down.. These walls that contain it are thin.. It's up to me to defend them to the best of my ability... Each and every moment that goes by; this Ambien; it gradually rings louder. It is time that I wish you all a good night..*