Post by Emerson on Nov 5, 2017 16:26:30 GMT -5
I guess Balkan has an issue with short term memory? It happens, so its ok. Lucas you ask if theres anything I love? Well sir there is only one thing in this world that matters to me. That being my son. I’ve only spoken about him for the last few years. But its ok. I know its not your son, so something like that isnt something you are bound to forget.
But yea. My son. My only reason for being. I failed at a lot of things in this life. I failed as a husband. I failed as a son. I failed as a man. Nothing I tried, did I ever succeed. Barely finished high school. Never had a job that paid more than 9 bucks an hour. I am stuck in a rut with no way out. I hate my life. Most days I hate myself. But I have a ray of sunshine. My son is 6 years old. He’s in the first grade. My wife, ex wife now, she took off, she couldnt deal with the fact that our son has Downs syndrome. So one day she got her stuff and said she had things to think over. She left 5 years ago and never came back. She’s called from time to time, but hasnt seen our son since she’s left. She was weak. And weak people have no place in my life. And wont be allowed anywhere near my son.
My son has some special needs. But everytime I wake up. I know there is someone who will wake up also and smile at me like only he knows how. I will make him some pancakes with a little bit of peanut butter on them a lot of syrup and thats our breakfast. I get him ready for school. He loves first grade. And I often worry about how he will deal when he grows up. I am trying to get him ready for a life. Any life.
I worry that when he grows older he wont have anything clear to a normal life. I worry what will become of him when I am no longer around. I worry a lot. I worry that he wont have the same advantages in life that most normal kids take for granted. I worry what kind of job he might have, where he will live, how he will live. God you have no clue how much I worry about his future. I wish I could live forever. But I know that wont happen. I know I cant control everything and I know I cant protect him forever. Though I wish I could.
So there you have it Lucas. That is who I love. That is who I am. You keep saying I live in sunshine and have hope for this world. Well its because I have to. I cant live in darkness. Because if I do that it will consume my son as well. I have to put on the brave face. Put a smile on my face and look at the world for what it is, and what it might be, and not take the dark tunnels in life. Life is too short to spend it brooding and hating. You cant live that way, life will suck if you live that way.
You need to be better. You need a better life, you need to be better in your own life. Life is what you make it. And if you make it a crappy life, then thats what you will have. Look at life as a chance as a new beginning. You cant live in darkness all the time, cause if you do, you’ll never see the light again. And life has so much to offer. Good and bad. Take a walk, play with a dog, play frisbee, eat some watermelon. Watch a cartoon. Live life for what it can be, not what it is or what you make it. I am glad you hold me in high regard.
You gave me some good advice a long time ago. Let me return the favor. The world can be the dark awful place you’ve known it to be. But Lucas sit in the sunlight for a while. Try to smile once in a while, take in a comedy movie, watch some Spongebob. and I know its not you, not at all. But you have to try and let a little light in your life, if you do, if you at least try, you may not see the world so awful. I want so much to be the hero my son deserves and I will do the best I can. And for you, I think you think theres no salvation for one such as you. But there is. But you have to want it. You have to know you deserve it. Give it a try, theres nothing to fear and nothing to lose.
Thank you and goodluck on Titans.
Fade to black
But yea. My son. My only reason for being. I failed at a lot of things in this life. I failed as a husband. I failed as a son. I failed as a man. Nothing I tried, did I ever succeed. Barely finished high school. Never had a job that paid more than 9 bucks an hour. I am stuck in a rut with no way out. I hate my life. Most days I hate myself. But I have a ray of sunshine. My son is 6 years old. He’s in the first grade. My wife, ex wife now, she took off, she couldnt deal with the fact that our son has Downs syndrome. So one day she got her stuff and said she had things to think over. She left 5 years ago and never came back. She’s called from time to time, but hasnt seen our son since she’s left. She was weak. And weak people have no place in my life. And wont be allowed anywhere near my son.
My son has some special needs. But everytime I wake up. I know there is someone who will wake up also and smile at me like only he knows how. I will make him some pancakes with a little bit of peanut butter on them a lot of syrup and thats our breakfast. I get him ready for school. He loves first grade. And I often worry about how he will deal when he grows up. I am trying to get him ready for a life. Any life.
I worry that when he grows older he wont have anything clear to a normal life. I worry what will become of him when I am no longer around. I worry a lot. I worry that he wont have the same advantages in life that most normal kids take for granted. I worry what kind of job he might have, where he will live, how he will live. God you have no clue how much I worry about his future. I wish I could live forever. But I know that wont happen. I know I cant control everything and I know I cant protect him forever. Though I wish I could.
So there you have it Lucas. That is who I love. That is who I am. You keep saying I live in sunshine and have hope for this world. Well its because I have to. I cant live in darkness. Because if I do that it will consume my son as well. I have to put on the brave face. Put a smile on my face and look at the world for what it is, and what it might be, and not take the dark tunnels in life. Life is too short to spend it brooding and hating. You cant live that way, life will suck if you live that way.
You need to be better. You need a better life, you need to be better in your own life. Life is what you make it. And if you make it a crappy life, then thats what you will have. Look at life as a chance as a new beginning. You cant live in darkness all the time, cause if you do, you’ll never see the light again. And life has so much to offer. Good and bad. Take a walk, play with a dog, play frisbee, eat some watermelon. Watch a cartoon. Live life for what it can be, not what it is or what you make it. I am glad you hold me in high regard.
You gave me some good advice a long time ago. Let me return the favor. The world can be the dark awful place you’ve known it to be. But Lucas sit in the sunlight for a while. Try to smile once in a while, take in a comedy movie, watch some Spongebob. and I know its not you, not at all. But you have to try and let a little light in your life, if you do, if you at least try, you may not see the world so awful. I want so much to be the hero my son deserves and I will do the best I can. And for you, I think you think theres no salvation for one such as you. But there is. But you have to want it. You have to know you deserve it. Give it a try, theres nothing to fear and nothing to lose.
Thank you and goodluck on Titans.
Fade to black
