The reaction and the curse..

"Redd, take a moment to look us now; everything is cursed. There isn't anything existing in this world that is not afflicted with some kind of disease..."

 The scene fades in before my eyes as I watch a dressed man winning at the poker table. His spirit is up high, riding a cloud at this time but everything that comes up, eventually falls. While he drinks away this moment and wins alot of money. The tides eventually change and the riptide will pull his feet out from underneath his body. From there, the strength of the current can do whatever it wants with him.

Take a look at all of the women around this man.. They flock around him and observe all of the money changing hands from the house too this poor schmuck. These whores are lurking around and watching him much like a flock of vultures would watch a dying animal. As cruel as that seems.. I would bet that these women are afflicted as well.. Some have surely lost loved ones while others have battled addiction. Odds are that some of them are suffering from one disease or another.

These battered lungs of mine take a deep breath before I take a long drink from my glass of whisky. Once the glass is empty, my eyes lock onto the waiter off in the distance just before I nod at him and raise the empty glass.. The waitor nods back at me and I look back at the same man.

He appears to be deep in thought before he reluctantly meets the bet. I can't see his hand or the other hands on the table but it is obvious that round didn't go in his favor. His head slightly hangs as everyone at the table left in the game reveal their cards. After that, a different man rakes in all of the chips. I watch one of the women that once stood next to the well dressed man begin to migrate over to the poorly dressed man with a load of new chips. She comes up to him and places her hand on his shoulder. He looks back and smiles at her before turning his head back to the table.

I've watched this man for the past hour. He's been here coughing badly and often. I've seen him cough up blood into a napkin a few times. It seems to me as if a dark cloud surrounds him as well but at this time he manages to smile. He's having a good time with what he has and that Redd, is all we as people can do.

Make no mistake about it Redd. We are all cursed regardless of if we're here in SFT or not. The young babies born through out this world are afflicted in some way. There's no way around the torment because eventually it will overcome us all. There's only one road out of this life Redd. And that is death.. That in itself is a curse. Unless of course your looking for a release from the torment you feel in this life. Which takes us back to that word Redd; Cursed.. That my friend is just a fact of life Redd.. You can't have one with out the other.. There is no way around it.. Once your here, its already too late..

Suddenly, I see a glass of whisky placed in front of me. My body adjusts itself before I place my hand in the right pocket of these pants that I am wearing. A moment later my hand emerges with a stack of money. I remove a one hundred dollar bill and hand it to the man as I nod at him. He nods back and then wanders off as I turn to look at the very same poker table that I once looked upon. It appears as if the man dressed in ragety clothes has been on a tear since I watched last. He has a mountain of chips and all of the vultures have began surrounding him.. The well dressed man is now an after thought as he stands up and walks in the direction of this bar.. I observe on as he approaches the bar. I see him and the bartender exchanging words. Then a drink is poured and handed to the well dressed man. His head hangs as he struggles to take a drink.. There is a small part of my soul that wants to pitty this man but the fact is.. I can't do it. He asked for this and now the fruit is ripe for the picking.. Afterall, I dont pitty myself; Ive recieved exactly what Ive asked for. It doesn't matter that my intentions weren't to become the sorry piece of shit that I have became.. I took this road and here I am..

Voices are starting to pick up in the bar section of this casino. My eyes peer in the direction of the bar to see the well dressed man has a face that is as red as fire. He violently lashes out at the waitor with an empty glass. Spectators multiply well before the man reaches into his expensive jacket. Moments later, I watch on as a firearm emerges from the blind spot the jacket created. The well dressed man points the gun at the waitor as his hands reach up into the air. I whitness the waitors mouth moving ever so slightly as his head sways back and forth in a manner of least resistance. Yet the giving jesture from the waitor was meaningless as fate ran its course. The roar of the gun was heard and the scene faded to black with words stating..

("Redd you need to understand that we the people are the disease and you need to wake up to the fact that it is our lives that is the curse.. Quit blaming SFT because it has no say in fate. SFT doesn't change the facts. While it is an entity that has lived on. It has stood the test of time and is a legend in itself. It has nothing to do with us being cursed. SFT isn't the disease and you should be sorry for thinking any different.")

I've spent a life time battling my demons and am still fighting them as we speak; I'm still looking at the world through that good ole liquid vision; Seeing the world with cloudy eyes. It's a murkyness that I've grown use to Redd. That hasn't changed and in fact; I haven't changed much. Your lack of sight and willingness to judge tells a story that we'll get to soon but for now seeing as how you like to connect the dots.. For now lets take a moment to talk about the hall of fame that you wish to jab at me. One fact that you want to use in your favor..

You recently asked what I did to deserve being placed in the hall of fame. I guess that I haven't done anything Redd. I would like to say that one thing I havent done is try to destroy SFT but we remember the failed federation SCW. You know, the one removed from the hall of fame? There have been people on that list that "Shared the weight" Ones that did what they could for the time being to help "shoulder" the responsibility. Yet some of those people Redd, they've taken stabs at SFT that were alot deeper than the afterthought SCW ever made. There isnt a damn thing I've done here besides do what I could in the glory days. Even in the days where SFT was an after thought. One thing this place could count on from me was for me to come in here and do what I could with what I had. Sure it wasn't alot because as you said, I was battling demons (We'll get back to that.) But my runs here as a fighter were something when SFT had very little. I did what I could then to stimulate the ring much like Ive tried to do in this short time that I've been back. I'm nothing special Redd but I am a veteran whether or not you like it; Makes no difference..

But its as if I don't even exist here besides when I'm here. Although that fact is no different here than anywhere else Redd and while the knives do their best to dig deep, this skin of mine has been hardened from many of years of battle. Whether its a battle in the ring or a spiritual battle.

 You talked about a place in time where I might carry the torch. It's not going to happen Redd. I dont pretend to be the person that carries the weight of this place. You may see me lead fighters into battle but its for their own good. They need to become accustomed to what they are up against. I refuse to sugar coat shit for them. If they've got the fight hidden in their spirit. I'll be the guy to pull it out of them but don't mistaken that for being a leader. I'm nothing more than a veteran and a legend in that aspect. You may not respect me now but I will get that respect from you, if its the last thing I do Redd. I'm going to meet you at the frontlines and I'll make you throw your discipline out the window. The flurry of blows I bring will take you out of that calm, slow motion aspect that you count on. Your discipline will be challenged with a fiery onslaught.

 While the fact that I'm not in the hall of fame may hurt; I'm okay with it Redd.. It doesn't mean that my feelings will get hurt. You may not know this but I'm stronger than that. You want to pull at the threads in my life and try to cause me to unravel but their packed tighter than that Redd. Pull harder, challenge me like we both know your capable of. Do what you can to make me feel like I'm an inch tall. All of it as you would find out, would fall on deaf ears. I've already taken the time to preach about how I'm a piece of shit and its all the truth. You had previously expressed concern that Ive spent so long battling my demons that I might of became one. Redd, your a little off but your catching on. I've developed into this person long ago even though you look at it like it was a battle.. There was no battle, you have been decieved. I am what I am Redd and I've always been just that.

I'm not someone to get butt hurt and leave because of the lack of respect I get. This little scar that I look upon will not deter me from doing what I know when the time comes. Its not going to get in my way and it certainly won't stop me from pulling the trigger.. I am a weak man Redd when it comes to many of things but when I set my mind to something that I want to do.. I become a bloodthirsty berserker. That wall you beat at with the sledghammer, It would of came down quicker but you were using the wrong tools Redd. Next time, think about that a little bit more and then come back at it with a better plan. I too have fell on my face alot Redd, likely much more than you have.. Afterall, you have alot of discipline. Me, well I have a hard head. They both have their strengths and weaknesses but don't assume that your discipline gives you an edge because it won't. You and I Redd.. Are on a level footing despite seeing the world through different eyes.

Remember when you asked me for this match, I didn't back down despite the stipulation that we negotiated on. I honestly thought it was silly that we had to do so but you wanted to do what you could to curb the ferocity I have.. While I may of slightly hesitated. Your terms were agreed to. I wanted to consider the fact that everything for me is an uphill battle. My mind wanted to recognize that the odds are stacked against me but I couldn't. Its time that I plant my feet and get ready for a war that should have happened long ago...

You've been waiting until I was at the twilight of my run each and every time in my whole history of being here besides one other time and that was the one time out of many that I seen you in a weak state of mind. I don't count that Redd. Do you count all of the other times you tackled me while I was in such a state of mind? We've both seen each other in a weak state, and Ive met you in the ring while you were a stout combatant. Yet you haven't ever personally seen what I can do when I'm fresh; have you? I wasn't going to let you swoop in like a vulture so you could take me out when I was weak. I took a different route this time Redd. One that has brought vibrant fruit.

This time Redd; I'm ready. You aren't going up against the worn out brawler that you have in the past; I'm going to meet you in the middle and hit you with a flurry of blows. Not to be mean or to take anything away from you Redd. I truly beleive you are great in that ring. I've got faith that you are a strong fighter but I don't believe that you have it in you to take me out when I'm ready. I could be biased or I might just be confident. Either way, your discipline, it means nothing to me old friend. You want it to speak volumes yet it falls on deaf's ear.. And while you think I'm the guy that comes right in with no plan. You will soon find out that I throw out a lure. One for you to strike. Yet the time you have to think will be lessened. When that time comes, there will be no time to think. Only time to react. If you want the opening, you'll have to go for it while risking it all because one well placed hit Redd, That is all I need. That's the only door I've ever relied on much like the haze.. Another chapter in a book that your desperatley trying to uncover..

Discipline wont capitalize on the illusions your eyes will see.. That opening before you Redd; It could be a mirage.. Your ability to restraint and hold out for another opportunity wont have a chance to flourish in the environment that I bring. And that is one reason why I believe that discipline is for the weak minded. You have to take time to think while I just do and react to what is in play. I dont look at anything for face value because that isn't what defines the changing moments.. Doesn't matter if history has spoken in the past or not. Today, is a new day with different variables.. Go ahead Redd; Take what you know and throw it out the window.

I put up my fist just before I raise one finger at the camera. The close up clearly shows that I'm motioning with one finger to follow me.

Come to my world Redd. A world with out dicipline, one with reaction. A universe where the key word Redd is react.. That's what time and failures has taught me. Owning those specs in time where discipline means nothing. Those spontaneous moments that change the fight. That's where victory is my friend and thats exactly one thing I plan on teaching you. You can plan and attack on what you beleive to be my weaknesses but I'll bring the counterpunch. It's this heart that you don't believe in that will take what you have to give, I understand that you are a gifted fighter. You plan your attacks well and rely on that method. Attack them at the right angle with pin point precision and surely victory will follow.. I'm here to show you that no matter how much you plan. There will always be that one variable that defies logic Redd and none of us can plan for that despite how hard we try.