Post by zybala on Sept 9, 2024 18:05:39 GMT -5
Dear Championship Placeholder,
I wanted to send you this friendly little letter to inform you of your imminent demise and title loss. If you're curious about the frequency of which I've sent these letters, it is to merely instill as much fear as I can. As if basting a Thanksgiving turkey to get as much flavor out of it. To which, I will then tear into like a ravenous hungry family after smelling that fear bird cook all day. Yes, I do understand that this unsettles you and may cause you to file a cease and desist order. Quite frankly I am surprised I haven't received one yet. Maybe you haven't gotten any of my letters threatening severe bodily harm. If that's the case, then I shall address you in this public forum, Mr. Impactless. To make sure you know that your time is up.
Though, you don't need me to remind you, do you Jay? You've been sweating buckets since last Titans when I beat Mr. Hardly Can Be Called Amazing and became the new number one contender for the SFT title. As soon as the ref's hand hit the mat for a third time, gear crept into your heart and soul as you remembered our last encounter. You know the one. I left you out cold in the middle of the ring as I beat you for the Hardcore title. And spoiler alert, the same thing is going to happen on Tuesday. Same results, different title. Me beating you will make me a three SFT World Champion. Compared to the other two I beat, you'll be a walk in the park.
You're no Dave Van Dam or Rico Smith. You're nothing but a mere placeholder for the title as the staff fast-tracked me up the rankings. Can you blame them? Besides me, who else would you put the belt on? Emerson? Mr. Amazing? Cypher? They've all fallen victim to me, just like you. Travis Hall? Maybe, since he's been the only challenge I've faced in this place since my return? Cassandra? Only if they want the fans to change the channel and cancel they're website subscriptions. No, the higher ups needed Mike Zybala to shoot up the rankings to FINALLY give the world title the credibility it has been sorely lacking.
I'm the only logical choice. Joey knows it, Rumpke knows it, Twilight knows it. Everyone in the back and the offices know it. Minus the one little misstep against Hall, I have beaten down everyone they've put in front of me since my return, including you. And please, stop calling it a fluke. It was a no contest. I'm surprised that you even decided to keep wrestling after the beating I gave you. Pundits may say I needed the hardcore scene to beat you, but on Titans I'll show them that's simply not true. I kicked your ass with the hardware, now it's time to kick your teeth in with skill.
Also, I'm gonna kick your teeth in just so you can't talk anymore and spare EVERYONE from hearing you rap ever again. Seriously, a rap battle? I already used that very gimmick here in the summer of 2004. And I nearly got kicked out of the locker room because of it. Now your poser ass is trying to bring it back twenty years later?? It was out of date then and it's super cringe now. You sounded like a dad trying to be cool. Take it from a dad that is actually cool, you can't pull off the look, Junior. Just like you can't pull off the look of a credible world champion.
Which is why I'll be pulling the world title away from you and putting it over the shoulder of a much more deserving, skilled, marketable person. Me. Then, after I beat you, again, you can go back to the bottom of the ladder, Again. Then you can wallow in self pity, AGAIN. And hopefully, after I knock your lights out, I'll knock some sense into you and make you realize you don't belong up at the top with me. You're not in my league, my fantasy league, my zip code, county, state or even planet. You belong on some lesser former planet, like Pluto, with the other scrubs like Mr. Amazing. You know, the idiots who give themselves prestige sounding names, even though they have basement level skills. Calling you ass clowns “mediocre” would be an insult to people like Cassandra and Twilight.
So, in closing, keep polishing that title and make it shine bright. Maybe give it a wash before the show as well. A good, deep scrubbing to get the stench of failure off of it before you hand it over to someone much more deserving and skilled. Someone worthy of being called a world champion. Someone like me.
Deepest regards,
The man who will embarrass you once more on television, the future SFT World Champion,
Mike Zybala
I wanted to send you this friendly little letter to inform you of your imminent demise and title loss. If you're curious about the frequency of which I've sent these letters, it is to merely instill as much fear as I can. As if basting a Thanksgiving turkey to get as much flavor out of it. To which, I will then tear into like a ravenous hungry family after smelling that fear bird cook all day. Yes, I do understand that this unsettles you and may cause you to file a cease and desist order. Quite frankly I am surprised I haven't received one yet. Maybe you haven't gotten any of my letters threatening severe bodily harm. If that's the case, then I shall address you in this public forum, Mr. Impactless. To make sure you know that your time is up.
Though, you don't need me to remind you, do you Jay? You've been sweating buckets since last Titans when I beat Mr. Hardly Can Be Called Amazing and became the new number one contender for the SFT title. As soon as the ref's hand hit the mat for a third time, gear crept into your heart and soul as you remembered our last encounter. You know the one. I left you out cold in the middle of the ring as I beat you for the Hardcore title. And spoiler alert, the same thing is going to happen on Tuesday. Same results, different title. Me beating you will make me a three SFT World Champion. Compared to the other two I beat, you'll be a walk in the park.
You're no Dave Van Dam or Rico Smith. You're nothing but a mere placeholder for the title as the staff fast-tracked me up the rankings. Can you blame them? Besides me, who else would you put the belt on? Emerson? Mr. Amazing? Cypher? They've all fallen victim to me, just like you. Travis Hall? Maybe, since he's been the only challenge I've faced in this place since my return? Cassandra? Only if they want the fans to change the channel and cancel they're website subscriptions. No, the higher ups needed Mike Zybala to shoot up the rankings to FINALLY give the world title the credibility it has been sorely lacking.
I'm the only logical choice. Joey knows it, Rumpke knows it, Twilight knows it. Everyone in the back and the offices know it. Minus the one little misstep against Hall, I have beaten down everyone they've put in front of me since my return, including you. And please, stop calling it a fluke. It was a no contest. I'm surprised that you even decided to keep wrestling after the beating I gave you. Pundits may say I needed the hardcore scene to beat you, but on Titans I'll show them that's simply not true. I kicked your ass with the hardware, now it's time to kick your teeth in with skill.
Also, I'm gonna kick your teeth in just so you can't talk anymore and spare EVERYONE from hearing you rap ever again. Seriously, a rap battle? I already used that very gimmick here in the summer of 2004. And I nearly got kicked out of the locker room because of it. Now your poser ass is trying to bring it back twenty years later?? It was out of date then and it's super cringe now. You sounded like a dad trying to be cool. Take it from a dad that is actually cool, you can't pull off the look, Junior. Just like you can't pull off the look of a credible world champion.
Which is why I'll be pulling the world title away from you and putting it over the shoulder of a much more deserving, skilled, marketable person. Me. Then, after I beat you, again, you can go back to the bottom of the ladder, Again. Then you can wallow in self pity, AGAIN. And hopefully, after I knock your lights out, I'll knock some sense into you and make you realize you don't belong up at the top with me. You're not in my league, my fantasy league, my zip code, county, state or even planet. You belong on some lesser former planet, like Pluto, with the other scrubs like Mr. Amazing. You know, the idiots who give themselves prestige sounding names, even though they have basement level skills. Calling you ass clowns “mediocre” would be an insult to people like Cassandra and Twilight.
So, in closing, keep polishing that title and make it shine bright. Maybe give it a wash before the show as well. A good, deep scrubbing to get the stench of failure off of it before you hand it over to someone much more deserving and skilled. Someone worthy of being called a world champion. Someone like me.
Deepest regards,
The man who will embarrass you once more on television, the future SFT World Champion,
Mike Zybala
