SFT Presents: Monday Night Chaos (Ep11, 05/06/2017)

JC: Randy, you’re looking at me again!

RW: Lemonade?

JC: Look, I don’t like telling people to grab a beer; this program is PG rated remember?

RW: John, seriously man, we’ve been doing this since what…. 1998! That’s 19 years John, when are you going to grow a set?

JC: I’m seriously starting to not like these awkward moments after the pyros die down and when the first match starts.

RW: I mean look at me, I move with the times… I’m modern, I’m cool!

JC: Cool, dude I saw you out this afternoon with Redneck Wild! What was all that about?

RW: Shut it John! He’s one of our sponsors damn it… and he’s a great man with an extra special commercial tonight!

JC: Randy, seriously, I don’t want to hear about it. Let’s just get on with the show shall we.

RW: You sissy liberal you…

JC: Shut up!

RW: Jack Jones wins the match!

JC: Well that was short and sweet!

Wife walks into bathroom as husband is bathing their 1 year old daughter.

Wife: Honey how's it going in here?
Husband: Good but I dont want to bathe Winifred anymore.
Wife: Why not? Whats the matter.
Husband: Everytime I bathe her she poops in the tub. Its like shes waiting for me to bathe her.
Wife: Honey thats silly. Winnie doesnt know any better.
Husband: I dont know about that.

(Baby gives him a sly smile)

Wife: Tell you what, after today Ill bathe her and you get her dinner ready. Deal.
Husband: Deal.

(And on que a dookie rises up in the tub and floats)

Wife: Oh my.
Husband: Im going to start calling her Winnie the Poo.

Wife and Husband both laugh.

Wife: I'll get the ajax from under the tub to scrub the tub.

Don't get caught out by a dookie!!! Grab yourself some AJAX right now, because you never know when the next floaters coming your way!

Announcer: Making his way to the ring From Lawton, Oklahoma, weighing in at 282 lbs, Big Kent” Jackson Kent!

He walks down the rampway making his way to the ring, before climbing the steps. As he stands on the apron, he spreads his arms wide like wings pausing there for a moment with his head lowered. He then steps over the top rope into the ring. Jackson climbs up onto the top rope, and spreads his arms out once more taking in the reaction from the crowd.

JC: He seemed pretty pissed at Redd, this ought to be an intense match up!

Redd’s music hits and he wastes no time coming to the ring, staring right into Jackson’s eyes the whole way down the ramp until he gets into the ring and right into Jackson’s face.

RW: It’s going to kick off!

The ref stands between the two men to stop the bout beginning prematurely and rings the bell as they both back up a little. Jackson and Redd circle each other for a moment before Jackson starts towards Redd but he ducks out of the way and keeps circling the ring.

JC: Smart. Don’t let Jackson grab you too quick.

Jackson looks pissed and after a few near misses, he finally grabs Redd and they lock up in the middle of the ring, Jackson’s sheer size giving him the advantage as he works Redd into an armbar.

RW: Jackson trying to wear Redd down here.

Redd is down to one knee as Jackson puts more pressure on his arm. Redd tries to rally but the big man is keeping him down.

JC: Redd’s going to need to do something here, Jackson might break his arm!

Redd starts to shake his free arm, as his face goes red from the pain, and he throws a big elbow into Jackson’s gut. Then another. And another. Finally, with a 4th elbow, Jackson releases the hold and Redd stumbles away to the corner.
Jackson glares at him and charges full speed at Redd, planning a clothesline in the corner but Redd counters with a boot to the face. Jackson reels back, holding his face but charges again and this time Redd dives out of the way, leaving Jackson to crash into the turnbuckle!

RW: Redd’s desperate not to let Jackson make contact, a clothesline from him could knock you clean out!

Redd kicks Jackson in the gut and shoves him into the turnbuckle, climbing onto the second rope and unleashing a flurry of right hands onto Jackson. The ref counts and Redd hops back down. He backs up to the other corner and runs at Jackson but Jackson comes firing out of the corner and hammers Redd with a massive clothesline! Both men lie on their back in the middle of the ring.

Jackson gets up first and drags Redd up to his feet. He whips him into the ropes but Redd ducks under an attempted big boot. Redd bounces off the ropes again but is clocked in the face with an elbow by Jackson, who then grabs him and hits an overhead belly to belly suplex!

RW: Daaaaaamn… That’s a hell of a suplex!

JC: That’s gotta hurt Redd!

Redd is trying to get up by grabbing the ropes but he’s struggling. Jackson looks pleased with himself and grabs Redd again, this time setting him up for a crucifix powerbomb. He nails it and covers Redd.

1.......

2.......

Kick out!

RW: Wow! That’s incredible fight by Redd!

JC: He looks done but he’s keeping fighting.

Jackson argues with the referee as Redd tries to get his bearings and make his way to his feet again. Jackson waits and sets up for a superkick. Redd gets to his feet tentatively and stumbles a little, facing away from Jackson before turning round. Jackson tries to hit a superkick but Redd ducks and dropkicks Jackson’s leg, knocking the big man to the floor. Redd immediately starts stomping on Jackson, trying to keep him down.

RW: He has to inflict as much damage as he can. He doesn’t want Jackson to get back up!

Suddenly, Saint Jude’s music hits and Redd looks up in shock. Redd walks away from Jackson and stares up the ramp, waiting for Saint Jude to arrive on the entrance way. After a few seconds, Saint Jude walks out calmly and stands in the middle of the stage, staring at Redd. The two men glare at each other for a few moments before Redd turns back to his match and is hit with a massive Jacks Super Punch!

RW: Oww! He was totally distracted by Saint Jude and Jackson has taken advantage!

Jackson grabs a now prone Redd and drags him to his feet and sets up for a Jack-hammered which he hits and immediately covers Redd.

1......

2......

3.......

The ref calls for the bell......

WINNER: JACKSON KENT

RW: Jackson dominated this but I think we need to give the assist to Saint Jude.

Saint Jude smiles on the stage before walking back to backstage as Jackson celebrates in the ring, climbing to the top rope and spreading his arms wide.

JC: Redd should have been focused, you can’t ignore a monster like Jackson Kent, not even for a second!

RW: Well, I don’t think we’ve seen the last of Redd and Saint Jude, I think there will be words or blows exchanged again soon!

So don’t let those tree hugging, free loving sissy liberals all around you steal your country from right out under your trailer, become a true patriot and get yourself down to Red Neck Wild’s Patriot Store right now.

We love you…..so damn well show the world that you love your country…..

JC: And that wraps up this match. Short and sweet again, but they both put in a decent performance as always. And Now Twilight gets a shot at the IC Title.

RW: Always have nice things to say don't you John. Always the nice man, nice, nice nice........


Rumpke stands up smiling and walks backstage.

RW: So Rumpke's back!

JC: I wonder who else might be joining again. All these people from the past turning up.

RW: It's like a reunion, is Fat Man Harold ever going to recruit some new blood?

JC: Do be quiet John, it's nearly time for our main event, and I think Robert Saints is about as new as you could ask for!

So don’t let the everyday stress of life get you down, book yourself a holiday right now and treat yourself to everything that The Hippy Park Holiday Inn has to offer. We promise that once you do, you won’t care about anything other than love, freedom and folk music. That’s not a promise, that’s a guarantee….

RW: It’s time John, damn I’m excited! But what was that hippy place all about!

JC: Your always excited by something! It''s just a commercial Randy for crying out load! But yes folks, it’s time for our main event, with the Intercontinental Championship on the line, and it promises to be a great match up between these 2 guys!


Line in the Sand by Motorhead plays over the arena as Robert Saints and his wife Kelly Robinson make their way out to the entrance ramp as red pyro hits down the sides of the entrance ramp making it's way towards the ring as Robert Saints and his wife Kelly Robinson now make their way down the entrance ramp to the ring.

Robert Saints bounces onto the ring apron and then enters between the top and middle ropes into the ring as Kelly Robinson stands up onto the ring apron and does her trademark split under the bottom rope and then Kelly Robinson exits the ring and waits in her husband's corner as Robert Saints waits for his opponent to come out.


RW: Is this really a place for a woman?

JC: RANDY!

RW: What!

JC: Equal opportunities man!

RW: I know, I’m just saying, it’s not against her, it’s just this could get rough!


The arena lights cut suddenly. The screen momentarily goes dark but flickers into light, TV static, as the brooding, Eastern music fills the arena. The static lasts for 30 seconds while a large black eagle’s silhouette fades into shot. As the lights come back on to the Prophecy by Soulfly, the eagle fades away, replaced by one word…………BALKAN

When the vocals start, Lucas Balkan brushes the curtain aside and walks out onto the ramp with his hood up. He pauses, listening to the crowd before moving further towards the ring. Grainy images of border walls and shadowy men in dark hoodies, of cigarette smoke and eagle claws, dance on the big screen above him. Lucas walks slowly to the ring, slides under the bottom rope and stares blankly into the crowd. He pulls off his t-shirt and tosses it out of the ring leans back against the turnbuckle, staring directly above him.


JC: And here is the champion Randy.

RW: And he looks as mean and as focused as ever. And I don’t think losing to Glenn Owen last week is going to make him any easier for Robert Saints to deal with!


Balkan takes of the belt and gives it to the referee, without so much as making eye contact with him as he eyes are fixed squarely on Robert Saints. Saints himself does not look intimidated, and as Kelly exits the ring, Robert Saints walks forward and squares right up to Balkan as they each stare intensely at each other. The referee signals for the bell to ring and the match begins.

JC: Neither are backing down, and I doubt neither men are going to give up.

RW: Well we know first hand that Balkan will quite happily disconnect bones to break a hold. How do you prepare for a man like that.

JC: Like what you’re seeing right now I would say Randy!


As soon as the bell has rung both men just continue stare each other down face to face. Robert Saints stares deep into Balkan’s eyes, but Balkan does not flinch. Balkan then takes a swing at Saints. Saints is knocked back slight but swings right back at Balkan, who himself is knocked back slightly. This continues for a few more punches.


JC: Seems like they are determine to test each others strength Randy.

RW: It looks damn painful!


After a few moments, Saints ducks one of Balkans swings and moves around behind him, delivering a suplex to Balkan which sends him rolling on the mat to the side of the ring rope.


RW: Damn, that was one hell of a move!


Saints start to kick away at Balkan as his hauls himself up with the aid of the ring ropes. Once he’s on his feat he turns around and start fighting back at Robert Saints. Saints gets thrown into the ropes on the far side of the ring, Balkan goes for the clothesline but misses as Saints ducks, Saints launches himself of the rope on his returns and connects to Balkan with a flying clothes, Balkan hits the ground hard and Saints immediately goes for the cover……

1…..

Kickout…..


RW: No no no…… way to soon buddy.

JC: But you have to admit Randy, Robert Saints has started amazingly in this match.

RW: He needed to, but year I hate to agree with you, but I do.


Saints gets straight up, brings Balkan with him by the hair, and delivers a belly to back suplex. No sooner has he done that but he delivers another belly to back suplex, each time leaving Balkan holding his back on the mat. After the 4th belly to back suplex, he leaves Balkan in the middle of the ring and moves back slightly. He turns to the crowd and lifts his hand in anticipation of his next move.


JC: Looks like Robert Saints wants to deliver a trademark move and end this right now.

RW: But what’s he going to do, a spear?

JC: Could be a dropkick!


The moment Balkan is on his feat Saints runs at him and looks like he’s oing for the spear, but at the last moment Balkan steps aside, uses Saints own momentum against him and send him over the top rope and crashing out of the the ring, Saints is now down on the outside of the ring, Balkan moves slowly over to the corner to compose himself.


RW: What a move! This man is a machine.

JC: That was a great move by Balkan, and he needed it as well. This match has been all Robert Saints so far, and I doubt he is anywhere near finished.

RW: Hold on, what is Balkan doing?


Lucas Balkan he now climbed out of the ring and lifts the cloth up to look under the ring, a few moments later he emerges with a kendo stick and for a good few seconds holds it in front of him, staring at it intensely, he then looks over to where Robert Saints is laying and slowly walks towards him.


RW: He’s man, very mad!

JC: Yes but he doesn’t want to get disqualified surely!

RW: Look at him John, does it look like the guy cares? I’m telling you, he’s mad, really mad!


Robert Saints looks up at him and gets to his feat. He looks at the ref who is asking Balkan to put the kendo stick away, the moment Balkan turns his attention to the ref, Robert Saints runs towards Balkan and this time connects perfectly with the spear. The kendo stick goes flying and both men crash into the barrier where the fans are standing. Both men are now laying in pain.


JC: Oh my, that’s hurt them both. That spear came out of nowhere, but I’m not sure if Saints did himself any favours. Balkan could have been disqualified!

RW: He probably wants to win cleanly, not sure I would be so keen when facing this guy!


The referee has no gotten rid of the Kendo stick, but both men are still laying on the outside of the ring. The ref starts to count, and once he gets to 4, Balkan just sits upright suddenly. The crowd are a mixture of cheers and hisses, but it’s Balkan who is first to his feat, and he bring up Robert Saints and throws him into the ring which ends the count. Balkan gets in the ring himself, stands Saints up in the corner and start to chop away painfully at Saints chest. Each chop is getting louder and louder! After the forth chop, Balkan drags Saints into the middle of the ring, throws him into the ring rope and on his return delivers a scoop slam which sends Robert Saints down on his back. It looks like the ref is about to start the count, but when he starts, Balkan gets up and takes Saints with him.


JC: Oh dear!

RW: See, he’s mad, he’s not even interesting in winning this yet. He’s all about the pain, and it looks like Robert Saints is about to get some!


Balkan drags Saints to his feat, goes for the standing dropkick, which connects perfectly and sends Robert Saints down again. Balkan stands over him and smiles then looks out intensely to the crowd! He looks down at Saints, but before he can fix eyes on him, Saints has gotten to his knees and has punched Balkan in the gut! Balkan drops for a second and allows both men to regain some breath and after a few moments they are both standing on their feet in the middle of the ring.


JC: This is an awesome match Randy, Nether of these guys can be separated. I guess it’s down to who wants it the most!

Saints and Balkan start to once again chop each other and the crowd get louder with each thundering chop across the chest. Robert Saints then kicks Balkan in the knee, which straight away puts Balkan to the floor, Saints bring him to his feet and whips him into the rope, but Balkan is hobbling far too much to rebound and just falls to the floor next to the ring rope. Saints goes over and picks him up, leaning him against the ring rope, runs into the opposite rope himself and picks up speed, delivering a thundering clothesline which knocks Balkan out of the ring and sends him crashing into the side of the announcers table.

JC: Oh my god, that’s got to hurt, Balkan is down right next to us.

RW: He looks out of it! And damn it get him away from the table!

Saints climbs out of the ring, and starts to kick away at Balkan. He brings Balkan to his feet, but Balkan out of nowhere delivers a Tornado DDT and Saints head connects with the announcers table. He bounces off and falls to his feet holding his head.

JC: My god, that’s it! He has to be concussed or something!

RW: Our table, damn it get away from our table!

JC: Randy, we have more important things to worry about. Look……

Lucas Balkan is slowly gathering his strength, then out of the corner of his eye he stops the Kendo stick that he brought out earlier. He picks it up and looks at it, then looks down at Robert Saints who is still laying there holding his head!

RW: This is bad, this is really, really bad!

The ref is signalling to Balkan to put the Kendo stick away, but Balkan is paying no attention at all. He uses to stick slams it straight into Robert Saints back, and as it connects the crack can be heart around the arena!

RW: Seriously stop it!

JC: Saints is going to need some kind of hospital treatment.

Balkan is about to go for another crack with the kendo stick, but the referee catches it and pulls it out of his hand, throwing it away. Lucas Balkan now looks madder than ever, and for a moment he looks like he’s going to take a swing at the ref, but he suddenly looks down at Robert Saints who is still laying on the floor. He walks over, picks him up full frontal and pushes him back into the ring.

JC: For god sake just end the match Lucas, this is getting stupid.

RW: I’m telling you, we’ve not seen an animal like this around here in years. I dread to think the carnage he’s going to do if this match goes on much longer.

Balkan gets into the ring and stands over Robert Saints then looks out into the crowd, who are now making all kinds of noise. Balkan raises his hand at them in a signal of defiance, and he brings Robert Saints to his feet, but th moment he does, Robert Saints out of nowhere hit him with an Viper Cutter!

RW: What!

JC: Where did that come from? How is he even still standing?

The entire arena are now on their feet. Balkan is on the ground in the centre of the ring, and Robert Saints is still gaining his composure after a desperation move. Saints looks around at the crowd who are now going ballistic, and he walks over to the corner of the ring and looks at Balkan as he begins to slowly try and get to his feet.

JC: Saints Row, he’s lining up the Saints row! One foot to the chin could end this!

After a few moments when Balkan is on his feet, the moment he turns around Robert Saints lunges into the centre of the ring, raises he right leg and with full force connects the Saints Row straight into the face of Lucas Balkan! The crowd cheer and Robert Saints straight away drops down and drapes his arm over Balkan, the ref goes to the ground and begins the count…..

1…….

2…….

3......

The ref calls for the bell

WINNER: ROBERT SAINTS

JC: My god, my god! Robert Saints has done it. Robert Saints has beaten Lucas Balkan!

RW: I can’t believe what I’m seeing! I can’t believe what these guys have just been through!

JC: It’s truly been a match for the ages…..

Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen presenting your winner…. And new SFT Intercontinental Champion…… Robert Saints…….

The referee hands the belt to Robert Saints as he clutches his sides and raises his right hand in the air. Slowly but surely Saints makes his way to the ring corner and holds the title high in the air to the screaming fans!

JC: Ladies and gentleman, you might have to wait a good long while before you see a match like this again. It’s been a truly incredible night here on Monday Night Chaos.

RW: I still can’t believe it, we have a new IC Champion, and after that performance, he’s going to take some beating I can tell you that. But I have a feeling Lucas Balkan is going to come back harder and meaner than ever!

JC: That you can be pretty damn sure of Randy. Ladies and gentlemen we are at the end of our show. From both myself John Cartright and Randy White, good night, God Bless, and tune in next time for Monday Night Chaos.

As Balkan slowly exits the ring and walks up the ring ramp staring back at Saints, the show closes with Robert Saints holding his title aloft to the crowd.

Thank you for watching the 11th episode of Strike Fantasy Towers Chaos. Produced and compiled by Glenn Owen, match card by Joseph Black. You're voters and writers this week were Glenn, Joey and Cassandra. Special mention to Lucas Balkan who wrote match number 2.

All Rights Reserved, All Wrongs Revenged.