Post by Joey on May 5, 2017 12:34:05 GMT -5
The scene is Miami. I have never been here other than for a show or two. It is extremely warm, some might say hot. There are some places in the world that are no good, this is one of them. Place seems to not have any police. Everyone drives like a bat out of hell. Everyone only dresses in half clothes as if having pants or a complete shirt would be a crime here. Just thinking about everything that is wrong with this place is exhausting.
Some might ask if I have so little tolerance for this place then why did I come here? Its simple, you go to hell to save it. After all a friend a writer once said. “What power would hell have if those imprisoned here would not be able to dream of heaven?”
But there is a flaw in my thinking. First off Miami is not hell no matter what I think and say. The inhabitants of Miami are not trapped souls or demons. They are just people, some good, some bad, but all the same just people. And for me to think that I could come here, pass judgement on this place and move on to trying and save them. Well that would be a mistak on my part, no one here is asking to be saved. And doesnt matter if I dont think they deserve to be saved. Its not my place.
And yet here I am. Lucas had spoken of God earlier. You who dont seem to have much faith. Trust me I was once like you. I believe that there are many people who have gone though such things. You think you have the market cornered on pain and suffering? You think no one knows your pain or what you have gone through? Is that it? You mean to tell me that you have the market cornered on pain and suffering. That your faithlessness is due to your past? Well if thats the case then no one should have faith then? We should all be atheists by that same train of mind.
You see Lucas, faith means just that. To have faith in something beyond you, to trust in something higher. To understand that all things, good and bad happen for a reason, and they do. Everything we do from the moment we are born to the moment we die are one huge butterfly effect. Monsoons rise and fall, goverments rise and crumble, people live and die. Its all connected, but I think you know that. I think deep down that you know. But its easier to blame God for whats happened to you, rather than blame those who made the choices, and along the way you made some choices too didnt you? Everything has led you here. Theres enough blame in the world and in your life to go around, its not all inclusive to just a few.
And now that you are here, now what? All your misery and grace here before us. I am curious, when you stand before God himself standing judgement, what will you say? That you lived your life as you did because you didnt believe in him. That you were a product of your surroundings and your past? Id love to see that for myself. But chances are I'll get judged sooner than you.
You see Lucas, you may think I am lecturing you. But I really am not. You see I do believe in God, I just dont happen to like him very much. In fact I think I downright hate him. I dont think you expected that did you? I hate that my father died when I was little kid and never got to know him. God will be the one I will blame. Then several years later he took my mother away. And when you have no more family left in the world, it gets to be a lonely place indeed. When there is no one you can rely on or count on. When you believe that nothing and no one cares about you. And as much as I hate God, I know I am not truly alone, do you understand now?
I hate him because he took the last of my family, let him suffer in ways I wouldnt ever want to imagine or comprehend. If he was going to take him, then take him. Dont make him suffer through years of skin cancer. For what? What was the point? What was the purpose? Its not something I pretend to understand. My brother sufferred so much, and the thing of it is, he got sick when he finally erased his demons. A long past life that he took for granted, but when he finally woke up and changed himself and his life, he got sick. Was that his reward? If so then its a messed up game. Rigged for the player to lose no matter what. And lose he did. And I got to wonder if maybe God's plan all along was maybe for me to hate him. That hate brought me closer to God in a way. You see in those last days, I prayed for so long, I pleaded with him to let him stay. And if he did that I would live my life right, do right by my life and live life as God intends. I would stop with worthless women and find the right one and settle down, get married, raise children and make sure that they too followed God and his will. I promised that I would give up all my vices, that I would attend church twice a week, every week, that I would celebrate the birth of christ. Basically I promised to be a good person. And in the end it didnt help, it didnt matter. He took my friend, my brother, and I was left alone again.
And in those days after, I decided to stay in SFT. I decided to make his home, his legacy my own, continue it. But it wasnt to be so. Too many people who thought that being in SFT and having a little responsibility meant that they were in charge. And as such I was pushed to the side, told to be seen and not heard. But they forgot one thing. My voice is my own. And I shall be quiet no more.
And it is that voice which speaks to you now Lucas. You have risen fast and I think you yearn for that challenge. For that person who will show you what it is you loved about this sport the first time and why you decided to come back. Well here I am. Full monster mode. There are not many of my types left. The type that has been around so long that I have forgotten more people, more names, more fights than most will ever come close to. I have faced legends and myths alike. And I still stand. I have outlived family and friends and I still stand! I have faced gods and monsters all in the name of the almighty Fight. And while I thought I was doing such things for myself, it turns out I was wrong. Everything we do and dont do is already written. And yes such a thing does anger me. To know that everything in our lives is already planned out. That we have no choice, that no matter what we do or dont do we will end up in our designated place. It is infuriating.
I make my way to a tiny cafe, its an outdoors type. There are a few tables but the few patrons here all sit at the front as if they were at a bar, 3 people there, 1 woman, and 2 men. Each seperated by an empty seat, all three appear to be sipping on hot coffee. Its 99 degrees today and they drink coffee? I guess they are getting ready for what they are headed for, a hot place only getting hotter. The first man in his early 30s is counting his money on the table. A stack of 20s, he shows no fear of anyone who might think to take his money. That means he probably deals in things not too legal, only people who count that much money in public are the ones who know no one will try anything. He's a burly man, and he seems unaware of anything or anyone. I move on to the 2nd man, he's an older man, tall, has jeans and boots on, and for a moment all I can think is, his feet must be swimming in sweat. It takes all I have to not laugh out loud. He seems sure of himself, as he drinks his coffee he looks straight ahead, and I can tell what he's thinking for just a moment. His mind says, this is what I do, how I do it, my way or the highway. Again I hold back the sensation to laugh. Then I get to the woman. Shes late 30s, early 40s, she has blonde hair, probably not her real hair color. She has a cigarette in her mouth, she keeps moving around, jittery, smiling at things and people, as if shes having a conversation in her head only she can understand. She sits up in her stool and waves hello at me as if I knew her. The burly man and the old man both turn to look at me for only a second before going back to their own things. The burly man never even put the bill down.
Woman: Hi hun! Come here, sit by lil ole me.
Jude: Do I know you?
Woman: Do you want to?
Jude: Not particularly.
Woman: Oh come on loosen up this is Miami baby!
Jude: Sad to say yes it is.
Woman: Dont be a poo, my name is Amber, but everyone calls me Kamberlina.
Jude: Ok.
Kamberlina: So do you want to buy me a drink?
Jude: This is a coffee place.
Kamberlina: Hun this is Miami. Booze is served all day long.
Jude: Its ok, its too early.
Kamberlina: hahaha, no I aint.
And I instantly know that this woman, this person isnt really worth much.
Kamberlina : Come on honey buy me a drink, you wont be sorry.
Jude: I am already sorry.
I get up and push my stool aside.
Kamberlina: Come on dont be that way, you'll love me in the morning, I promise.
I reach into my left pant pocket and pull out a 10 dollar bill, I place it on the bar next to her and say
“buy whatever you like, I need to go”
She glares at the ten and grabs it and places inside her chest for safe keeping, where most women like her place valuables.
Amber: Its your loss.
Jude: I doubt that.
I walk away and I see from the corner of my eye the burly man and the old man give me a stare, but I dont care, all three arent worth much, not even worth me giving them another look.
They just gave me another reason why Miami isnt worth much.
Should I judge the entire city over three people or a reputation? No that would be something that should not be done. But oh how I want to.
You see Lucas, I dare not judge you or anyone, and it takes all that I am not to. Because I feel someone should, but I realize thats up to god and no one else.
Fade..to…..darkness
Some might ask if I have so little tolerance for this place then why did I come here? Its simple, you go to hell to save it. After all a friend a writer once said. “What power would hell have if those imprisoned here would not be able to dream of heaven?”
But there is a flaw in my thinking. First off Miami is not hell no matter what I think and say. The inhabitants of Miami are not trapped souls or demons. They are just people, some good, some bad, but all the same just people. And for me to think that I could come here, pass judgement on this place and move on to trying and save them. Well that would be a mistak on my part, no one here is asking to be saved. And doesnt matter if I dont think they deserve to be saved. Its not my place.
And yet here I am. Lucas had spoken of God earlier. You who dont seem to have much faith. Trust me I was once like you. I believe that there are many people who have gone though such things. You think you have the market cornered on pain and suffering? You think no one knows your pain or what you have gone through? Is that it? You mean to tell me that you have the market cornered on pain and suffering. That your faithlessness is due to your past? Well if thats the case then no one should have faith then? We should all be atheists by that same train of mind.
You see Lucas, faith means just that. To have faith in something beyond you, to trust in something higher. To understand that all things, good and bad happen for a reason, and they do. Everything we do from the moment we are born to the moment we die are one huge butterfly effect. Monsoons rise and fall, goverments rise and crumble, people live and die. Its all connected, but I think you know that. I think deep down that you know. But its easier to blame God for whats happened to you, rather than blame those who made the choices, and along the way you made some choices too didnt you? Everything has led you here. Theres enough blame in the world and in your life to go around, its not all inclusive to just a few.
And now that you are here, now what? All your misery and grace here before us. I am curious, when you stand before God himself standing judgement, what will you say? That you lived your life as you did because you didnt believe in him. That you were a product of your surroundings and your past? Id love to see that for myself. But chances are I'll get judged sooner than you.
You see Lucas, you may think I am lecturing you. But I really am not. You see I do believe in God, I just dont happen to like him very much. In fact I think I downright hate him. I dont think you expected that did you? I hate that my father died when I was little kid and never got to know him. God will be the one I will blame. Then several years later he took my mother away. And when you have no more family left in the world, it gets to be a lonely place indeed. When there is no one you can rely on or count on. When you believe that nothing and no one cares about you. And as much as I hate God, I know I am not truly alone, do you understand now?
I hate him because he took the last of my family, let him suffer in ways I wouldnt ever want to imagine or comprehend. If he was going to take him, then take him. Dont make him suffer through years of skin cancer. For what? What was the point? What was the purpose? Its not something I pretend to understand. My brother sufferred so much, and the thing of it is, he got sick when he finally erased his demons. A long past life that he took for granted, but when he finally woke up and changed himself and his life, he got sick. Was that his reward? If so then its a messed up game. Rigged for the player to lose no matter what. And lose he did. And I got to wonder if maybe God's plan all along was maybe for me to hate him. That hate brought me closer to God in a way. You see in those last days, I prayed for so long, I pleaded with him to let him stay. And if he did that I would live my life right, do right by my life and live life as God intends. I would stop with worthless women and find the right one and settle down, get married, raise children and make sure that they too followed God and his will. I promised that I would give up all my vices, that I would attend church twice a week, every week, that I would celebrate the birth of christ. Basically I promised to be a good person. And in the end it didnt help, it didnt matter. He took my friend, my brother, and I was left alone again.
And in those days after, I decided to stay in SFT. I decided to make his home, his legacy my own, continue it. But it wasnt to be so. Too many people who thought that being in SFT and having a little responsibility meant that they were in charge. And as such I was pushed to the side, told to be seen and not heard. But they forgot one thing. My voice is my own. And I shall be quiet no more.
And it is that voice which speaks to you now Lucas. You have risen fast and I think you yearn for that challenge. For that person who will show you what it is you loved about this sport the first time and why you decided to come back. Well here I am. Full monster mode. There are not many of my types left. The type that has been around so long that I have forgotten more people, more names, more fights than most will ever come close to. I have faced legends and myths alike. And I still stand. I have outlived family and friends and I still stand! I have faced gods and monsters all in the name of the almighty Fight. And while I thought I was doing such things for myself, it turns out I was wrong. Everything we do and dont do is already written. And yes such a thing does anger me. To know that everything in our lives is already planned out. That we have no choice, that no matter what we do or dont do we will end up in our designated place. It is infuriating.
I make my way to a tiny cafe, its an outdoors type. There are a few tables but the few patrons here all sit at the front as if they were at a bar, 3 people there, 1 woman, and 2 men. Each seperated by an empty seat, all three appear to be sipping on hot coffee. Its 99 degrees today and they drink coffee? I guess they are getting ready for what they are headed for, a hot place only getting hotter. The first man in his early 30s is counting his money on the table. A stack of 20s, he shows no fear of anyone who might think to take his money. That means he probably deals in things not too legal, only people who count that much money in public are the ones who know no one will try anything. He's a burly man, and he seems unaware of anything or anyone. I move on to the 2nd man, he's an older man, tall, has jeans and boots on, and for a moment all I can think is, his feet must be swimming in sweat. It takes all I have to not laugh out loud. He seems sure of himself, as he drinks his coffee he looks straight ahead, and I can tell what he's thinking for just a moment. His mind says, this is what I do, how I do it, my way or the highway. Again I hold back the sensation to laugh. Then I get to the woman. Shes late 30s, early 40s, she has blonde hair, probably not her real hair color. She has a cigarette in her mouth, she keeps moving around, jittery, smiling at things and people, as if shes having a conversation in her head only she can understand. She sits up in her stool and waves hello at me as if I knew her. The burly man and the old man both turn to look at me for only a second before going back to their own things. The burly man never even put the bill down.
Woman: Hi hun! Come here, sit by lil ole me.
Jude: Do I know you?
Woman: Do you want to?
Jude: Not particularly.
Woman: Oh come on loosen up this is Miami baby!
Jude: Sad to say yes it is.
Woman: Dont be a poo, my name is Amber, but everyone calls me Kamberlina.
Jude: Ok.
Kamberlina: So do you want to buy me a drink?
Jude: This is a coffee place.
Kamberlina: Hun this is Miami. Booze is served all day long.
Jude: Its ok, its too early.
Kamberlina: hahaha, no I aint.
And I instantly know that this woman, this person isnt really worth much.
Kamberlina : Come on honey buy me a drink, you wont be sorry.
Jude: I am already sorry.
I get up and push my stool aside.
Kamberlina: Come on dont be that way, you'll love me in the morning, I promise.
I reach into my left pant pocket and pull out a 10 dollar bill, I place it on the bar next to her and say
“buy whatever you like, I need to go”
She glares at the ten and grabs it and places inside her chest for safe keeping, where most women like her place valuables.
Amber: Its your loss.
Jude: I doubt that.
I walk away and I see from the corner of my eye the burly man and the old man give me a stare, but I dont care, all three arent worth much, not even worth me giving them another look.
They just gave me another reason why Miami isnt worth much.
Should I judge the entire city over three people or a reputation? No that would be something that should not be done. But oh how I want to.
You see Lucas, I dare not judge you or anyone, and it takes all that I am not to. Because I feel someone should, but I realize thats up to god and no one else.
Fade..to…..darkness
