Post by Jay Impact on Oct 4, 2020 14:25:28 GMT -5
The former SFT Intercontinental Champion and one of the hottest superstars of SFT roster Jay Impact. One of his fans is sitting in front of him, seeing him holding to a bottle of New Amsterdam Vodka in his hand and seem halfway drunk. While drinking Jay takes out a stainless nail cutter and opens its trimmer. He starts drawing some lines on it one by one and talks to himself.
Jay Impact: She loves me not. She loves me. She loves me not. She loves me.
Fan: Jay, are you alright?
Jay Impact: Candace stepped back (backstabbed) on me. Didn't you just watch it last week at Titans?
Fan: Jay, you are repeating this line for the third time.
Jay Impact: Do you wanna hear it for the fourth time?
Fan: Rumpke?!
Jay Impact: No it was Candace, not Pinky.
Fan: No, I mean.. heads up, we are joined here by Rumpke.
Jay raises his head and he finds SFT's multitime champion Rumpke is standing right in front of him. Jay smiles and ask him to join.
Jay Impact: Are you gonna be hitman for me? Because I'm looking to put a bullet in a woman's head.
Rumpke: You drunk, Jay?
Jay Impact: Drinking is my new habit, Pinky. Milk out!! Alcohol in!!
Rumpke: That's surprising, buddy. And my name is Rumpk...
Jay Impact: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS...!!
Jay raises his finger to Rumpke's chest.
Rumpke: What are you tonight besides a drunk lover?
Jay Impact: The Rock!
Rumpke: Right! I have heard he is a twin brother of Dwayne Douglas Johnson.
Jay Impact: He definitely is. They both look alike.
Fan: Am I the most sober drunkard among all three of us? Because The Rock and Dwayne both are same.
Jay Impact: You saying that proves that you're the most drunk because they ain't the same.
Rumpke interrupts the conversation after seeing New Amsterdam Vodka in Jay's hand.
Rumpke: So, back to some real deal, this stuff in your hand - that is really surprising for me because I thought you're a straight-edge, Jay.
Jay Impact: I have a disorder called, the dual hypocrisy disorder. I'm one person in the morning and other at night. That's a Pork Cigarette.
Fan: Top Secret!
Jay Impact: You are my translator tonight. Thank you!
Rumpke: I won't be surprised to know that you are really at this point. But with all honesty I wanted to ask, why do you drink? You have so many responsibilities and people you take care of. You have got a big family unlike I do. So why do you drink?
Jay sympathetically puts his hand over Rumpke's shoulder and squeeze it a little.
Jay Impact: I drink because... I have got a lot of responsibilities and people to take care of.
Jay then shurgs his shoulder and takes out another bottle of alcohol from his sleeveless jacket.
Jay Impact: My poison of choice: Tequila! And then there are certain alcohol I no longer mess anymore, like I no longer mess with Jäger. See, here is my theory, any alcohol that will make you say its name.. is not safe. And that's the only alcohol that will make you do that. That's the only one you hear people..
JÄGGEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
Jay raises his head and yells out loud in the bar and seeks an unintentional attention of nearby people including the bartender who happened to be an Irish but holds onto his temper.
Jay Impact: You don't hear anyone else. You don't hear Latinos say, "TEQUILA GÜEY!" You don't hear black people say, "Henessy playa!". You don't hear Japanese say, "Woo! Saakee saakeeee!"
Rumpke: How about my Canadian buddy?
Jay Impact: Me? Buddy, my Canadian ass would say, "Maple Syrup, don’t you know!”.
Rumpke burps and Jay farts both at the very sametime as the fan sitting next is forced cover his nose.
Jay Impact: You know buddy, Jäger is scary for a few reasons. If you drink too much of it, it holds on longer than anything else. You know what I'm saying? Like, when you have one too many beers you know what happens. You get the stomach grows and return it to the right faloner.
Rumpke: You mean rightful owner?
Fan: Looks like his subtitles have had too much alcohol already.
Jay keeps on talking without focusing to the responses.
Jay Impact: Jäger makes you feel like you gotta bring it back, but you can't. All it does is make you dramatic for 45 minutes until it goes.
Rumpke: Have you seen someone like that?
Jay Impact: Yes! You ask them if they are okay and they will be like, "I'm fine, buddy-"
Jay mockingly renches
Jay Impact: They just can't throw up. All they are doing right is six minute abs. People look at them the next day and ask, "Are you in fitness?". They're like, "No! I'm drunk!"
Fan: Scary! What another alcohol that you refuse to mess with?
Jay Impact: Wine!
Rumpke: WINE?! Seriously?
Jay Impact: Exactly! My issue with wine is very simple. I don't like the fact that wine is socially accepted you know? When people drink alcohol than people like Dorcas Furkan..
Fan: Lucas Balkan?!
Jay Impact: Yes, when people drink wine than people like Lucas Balkan are born because their parents forget to wear the contraception or wear the torn or ripped condoms. If you see a guy crossing the street with a bottle of wine, immediately he is judged but in a positive way, because wine is always associated with something high-class, something positive, something progressive, an anniversary, a celebration, a promotion.
Rumpke: Hate to agree. In fact, whenever women saw me.. with the bottle of wine after Titans are over you know what they always said?
Jay toned his voice in a high pitch like women.
Jay Impact: "Awww! Lucky bitch?!"
Rumpke: Exactly!
Jay Impact: I understand, buddy. People who drink a lot love to brag about their drinking abilities, their drinking numbers. You know what I'm saying?
Rumpke: Right! You'd hear them, "Eleven shots of Don Julio. Whoo! Yeah!"
Rumpke yells out loud and high five with Jay.
Jay Impact: Even women too, bro. I know that Candace doesn't drink but imagine if she did she'll be like (Jay imitating Candace's voice) "After four shots of Cuervo, I'm SO good. Four shots is my sweet spot."
Fan: Hahaha! What happens if she'll do five?
Jay Impact: (Imitating Candace) "I'll wake up in an alley."
Rumpke: What happens if she'll do six?
Jay Impact: (Imitating Candace) "That's how I met Pincas Kirkan."
Fan: Lucas Balkan!
Jay Impact: YES, him!
Rumpke: Different strokes with different folks!
Both Jay and Rumpke laugh out loud, putting the bar on notice with their annoying conversation. They clink their glasses and cheers to take the remaining sips from their drinks. The Irish bartender now gets frustrated and yells at them.
Bartender: Hey, buddies, relax! Are you okay? Are you having a good time?
Jay being so drunk he yells back at the bartender in irish accent.
Jay Impact: "I'm havin a gRReat TAME"
Bartender: Oh my God? Are you Irish? I thought you are a Canadian. What part of Ireland you are from?
Jay Impact: Uh, downtown.
Bartender: Are you here by yourself?
Jay Impact: Oh no, I am not here by myself. Here's my driver, DONKEY!!!
Jay points his finger at Rumpke.
Jay Impact: He sure hasn't picked me up but he is definitely gonna drop me home.
Bartender: I have heard that you are having a World Title match on Tuesday Night Titans next week. How's your plan coming for the match.
Jay Impact: My plans? Look buddy, I am drunk but I am not an idiot who is gonna reveal all his plans. Especially when I'mgonna strike the World Champion with my undefeated streak. He's so wasted, buddy. You know what he is gonna do during the match? He will first try to strike me down and go for an early finisher that is going to be countered by me outta blue and that's one of my plans which I am never going to tell anyone in this bar including you.
Rumpke: Didn't you just reveal your plan?
Jay Impact: No I didn't. You're just too drunk and your ears have got schizophrenia. What secret plans he can come up with is hiding himself inside Candace's massive clothing. So massive that you can create and distribute 100 blankets for homeless people in New York City. Or he may use her to stand at the ringside to distract the referee so he can break my balls just like she did last Titans? No, that's not gonna happen. I'm gonna have a balls removal surgery right before the match and be the half of a man he is.
Fan: Jay, I don't think you are in a position to give a proper interview. Your plans sound like some sort of reverse engineering.
Bartender: If this is what he planned for than only one person can make him win the World Title. God!
Drunk Jay has no idea what he is talking about but he keeps on talking.
Jay Impact: That's true. Time is on my side, God is on my side, the whole world is on my side. The only person who isn't on my side is Candace. I will not tell anyone of you about my plans for her which is I am gonna get to her lockerroom and burn her IC Title and leave a note there which will read "Happy Saint's Patrick Day".
Bartender looks at Rumpke and says.
Bartender: I think he (Jay) is wasted.
Jay Impact: That's what I am telling all of you. Ericas (Lucas) definitely is wasted on Titans 94, bro. He will not only lose his title against the Captain Canada but will be awarded for being more hammered person in a wrestling match in pro wrestling history. A biggest hypocrite walking down the wrong road this Titans and will be missing his World Title. The Flock is gonna return to where they came from. The Gutter! Candace will no longer be interested in hooking up with him. His power will be limited to just... peeing. Period!
Jay stands up and yells.
Jay Impact: Attention allll!!!!
Then he farts loudly right at bartender.
Bartender: Ayeee! You just farted before me.
Jay Impact: Ops! I didn't know it was your turn, buddy.
Jay steps forward and twists his feet but since he was fully drunk he falls down flat on his face. Rumpke and the fan pick him up but while picking him up they both falls backward taking the bartender down with them. They all spend the whole time picking themselves and the others up as the scene fades out.
Jay Impact: She loves me not. She loves me. She loves me not. She loves me.
Fan: Jay, are you alright?
Jay Impact: Candace stepped back (backstabbed) on me. Didn't you just watch it last week at Titans?
Fan: Jay, you are repeating this line for the third time.
Jay Impact: Do you wanna hear it for the fourth time?
Fan: Rumpke?!
Jay Impact: No it was Candace, not Pinky.
Fan: No, I mean.. heads up, we are joined here by Rumpke.
Jay raises his head and he finds SFT's multitime champion Rumpke is standing right in front of him. Jay smiles and ask him to join.
Jay Impact: Are you gonna be hitman for me? Because I'm looking to put a bullet in a woman's head.
Rumpke: You drunk, Jay?
Jay Impact: Drinking is my new habit, Pinky. Milk out!! Alcohol in!!
Rumpke: That's surprising, buddy. And my name is Rumpk...
Jay Impact: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAME IS...!!
Jay raises his finger to Rumpke's chest.
Rumpke: What are you tonight besides a drunk lover?
Jay Impact: The Rock!
Rumpke: Right! I have heard he is a twin brother of Dwayne Douglas Johnson.
Jay Impact: He definitely is. They both look alike.
Fan: Am I the most sober drunkard among all three of us? Because The Rock and Dwayne both are same.
Jay Impact: You saying that proves that you're the most drunk because they ain't the same.
Rumpke interrupts the conversation after seeing New Amsterdam Vodka in Jay's hand.
Rumpke: So, back to some real deal, this stuff in your hand - that is really surprising for me because I thought you're a straight-edge, Jay.
Jay Impact: I have a disorder called, the dual hypocrisy disorder. I'm one person in the morning and other at night. That's a Pork Cigarette.
Fan: Top Secret!
Jay Impact: You are my translator tonight. Thank you!
Rumpke: I won't be surprised to know that you are really at this point. But with all honesty I wanted to ask, why do you drink? You have so many responsibilities and people you take care of. You have got a big family unlike I do. So why do you drink?
Jay sympathetically puts his hand over Rumpke's shoulder and squeeze it a little.
Jay Impact: I drink because... I have got a lot of responsibilities and people to take care of.
Jay then shurgs his shoulder and takes out another bottle of alcohol from his sleeveless jacket.
Jay Impact: My poison of choice: Tequila! And then there are certain alcohol I no longer mess anymore, like I no longer mess with Jäger. See, here is my theory, any alcohol that will make you say its name.. is not safe. And that's the only alcohol that will make you do that. That's the only one you hear people..
JÄGGEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!
Jay raises his head and yells out loud in the bar and seeks an unintentional attention of nearby people including the bartender who happened to be an Irish but holds onto his temper.
Jay Impact: You don't hear anyone else. You don't hear Latinos say, "TEQUILA GÜEY!" You don't hear black people say, "Henessy playa!". You don't hear Japanese say, "Woo! Saakee saakeeee!"
Rumpke: How about my Canadian buddy?
Jay Impact: Me? Buddy, my Canadian ass would say, "Maple Syrup, don’t you know!”.
Rumpke burps and Jay farts both at the very sametime as the fan sitting next is forced cover his nose.
Jay Impact: You know buddy, Jäger is scary for a few reasons. If you drink too much of it, it holds on longer than anything else. You know what I'm saying? Like, when you have one too many beers you know what happens. You get the stomach grows and return it to the right faloner.
Rumpke: You mean rightful owner?
Fan: Looks like his subtitles have had too much alcohol already.
Jay keeps on talking without focusing to the responses.
Jay Impact: Jäger makes you feel like you gotta bring it back, but you can't. All it does is make you dramatic for 45 minutes until it goes.
Rumpke: Have you seen someone like that?
Jay Impact: Yes! You ask them if they are okay and they will be like, "I'm fine, buddy-"
Jay mockingly renches
Jay Impact: They just can't throw up. All they are doing right is six minute abs. People look at them the next day and ask, "Are you in fitness?". They're like, "No! I'm drunk!"
Fan: Scary! What another alcohol that you refuse to mess with?
Jay Impact: Wine!
Rumpke: WINE?! Seriously?
Jay Impact: Exactly! My issue with wine is very simple. I don't like the fact that wine is socially accepted you know? When people drink alcohol than people like Dorcas Furkan..
Fan: Lucas Balkan?!
Jay Impact: Yes, when people drink wine than people like Lucas Balkan are born because their parents forget to wear the contraception or wear the torn or ripped condoms. If you see a guy crossing the street with a bottle of wine, immediately he is judged but in a positive way, because wine is always associated with something high-class, something positive, something progressive, an anniversary, a celebration, a promotion.
Rumpke: Hate to agree. In fact, whenever women saw me.. with the bottle of wine after Titans are over you know what they always said?
Jay toned his voice in a high pitch like women.
Jay Impact: "Awww! Lucky bitch?!"
Rumpke: Exactly!
Jay Impact: I understand, buddy. People who drink a lot love to brag about their drinking abilities, their drinking numbers. You know what I'm saying?
Rumpke: Right! You'd hear them, "Eleven shots of Don Julio. Whoo! Yeah!"
Rumpke yells out loud and high five with Jay.
Jay Impact: Even women too, bro. I know that Candace doesn't drink but imagine if she did she'll be like (Jay imitating Candace's voice) "After four shots of Cuervo, I'm SO good. Four shots is my sweet spot."
Fan: Hahaha! What happens if she'll do five?
Jay Impact: (Imitating Candace) "I'll wake up in an alley."
Rumpke: What happens if she'll do six?
Jay Impact: (Imitating Candace) "That's how I met Pincas Kirkan."
Fan: Lucas Balkan!
Jay Impact: YES, him!
Rumpke: Different strokes with different folks!
Both Jay and Rumpke laugh out loud, putting the bar on notice with their annoying conversation. They clink their glasses and cheers to take the remaining sips from their drinks. The Irish bartender now gets frustrated and yells at them.
Bartender: Hey, buddies, relax! Are you okay? Are you having a good time?
Jay being so drunk he yells back at the bartender in irish accent.
Jay Impact: "I'm havin a gRReat TAME"
Bartender: Oh my God? Are you Irish? I thought you are a Canadian. What part of Ireland you are from?
Jay Impact: Uh, downtown.
Bartender: Are you here by yourself?
Jay Impact: Oh no, I am not here by myself. Here's my driver, DONKEY!!!
Jay points his finger at Rumpke.
Jay Impact: He sure hasn't picked me up but he is definitely gonna drop me home.
Bartender: I have heard that you are having a World Title match on Tuesday Night Titans next week. How's your plan coming for the match.
Jay Impact: My plans? Look buddy, I am drunk but I am not an idiot who is gonna reveal all his plans. Especially when I'mgonna strike the World Champion with my undefeated streak. He's so wasted, buddy. You know what he is gonna do during the match? He will first try to strike me down and go for an early finisher that is going to be countered by me outta blue and that's one of my plans which I am never going to tell anyone in this bar including you.
Rumpke: Didn't you just reveal your plan?
Jay Impact: No I didn't. You're just too drunk and your ears have got schizophrenia. What secret plans he can come up with is hiding himself inside Candace's massive clothing. So massive that you can create and distribute 100 blankets for homeless people in New York City. Or he may use her to stand at the ringside to distract the referee so he can break my balls just like she did last Titans? No, that's not gonna happen. I'm gonna have a balls removal surgery right before the match and be the half of a man he is.
Fan: Jay, I don't think you are in a position to give a proper interview. Your plans sound like some sort of reverse engineering.
Bartender: If this is what he planned for than only one person can make him win the World Title. God!
Drunk Jay has no idea what he is talking about but he keeps on talking.
Jay Impact: That's true. Time is on my side, God is on my side, the whole world is on my side. The only person who isn't on my side is Candace. I will not tell anyone of you about my plans for her which is I am gonna get to her lockerroom and burn her IC Title and leave a note there which will read "Happy Saint's Patrick Day".
Bartender looks at Rumpke and says.
Bartender: I think he (Jay) is wasted.
Jay Impact: That's what I am telling all of you. Ericas (Lucas) definitely is wasted on Titans 94, bro. He will not only lose his title against the Captain Canada but will be awarded for being more hammered person in a wrestling match in pro wrestling history. A biggest hypocrite walking down the wrong road this Titans and will be missing his World Title. The Flock is gonna return to where they came from. The Gutter! Candace will no longer be interested in hooking up with him. His power will be limited to just... peeing. Period!
Jay stands up and yells.
Jay Impact: Attention allll!!!!
Then he farts loudly right at bartender.
Bartender: Ayeee! You just farted before me.
Jay Impact: Ops! I didn't know it was your turn, buddy.
Jay steps forward and twists his feet but since he was fully drunk he falls down flat on his face. Rumpke and the fan pick him up but while picking him up they both falls backward taking the bartender down with them. They all spend the whole time picking themselves and the others up as the scene fades out.
