Post by Jay Impact on Jul 26, 2020 16:13:42 GMT -5
The scene opens up inside a local restaurant where the former SFT IC Champion Jay Impact is sitting on a table. dining alone when suddenly one of his teenage male fans appears in the scene and takes the front seat of his table with a wide smile on his face.
Kid: Heyyyy! Jay Impact, right?
Jay Impact: No, its Adam Impact!
Kid: Nice to meet you, bro!
Jay Impact: Meet who? Adam or Jay?
Kid: You!
Jay Impact: Who am I?
Kid: I think you might have forgotten me Jay. Remember we've met last week's SFT exclusive autograph signing session?
Jay Impact: Nah! Of course I don't know who you are. What do you think I am, the Facebook? I don't even remember autographing for anybody.
Kid: Well, that sounds embarrassing. Allow me to reintroduce myself to you. This is Jimmy!
Jimmy forwards his hand to Jay for a handshake. Jay stares at his hand for a few seconds and then picks up his phone and starts googling.
Jay Impact: Well, I did google you. You came out to be nobody. Besides, I am very keen on following SOPs. What if you are purposely carrying COVID with you right in the palm of your hand which you have forwarded me.
Jimmy: Why would I do that?
Jay Impact: I don't know! It could be some sort of jealousy. You look like a typical wanna be teenager who envy Jay Impact and wants replicate himself as one of Jay's kind.
Jimmy: No, I swear to God I don't such a thought about you.
Jay Impact: What if Ablot Rinds send you to me as a hitman.
Jimmy: Ablot Rinds?
Jay Impact: Yes! They guy who I am going to face this week's lethal lottery in a one on one match.
Jimmy: Oh!! You mean Apokalypse.
Jay Impact: Yeah him! If you are one of his representative then do let him know that he technically is Ablot Rinds.
Jimmy: What's that?
Jay Impact: The most disgusting food dish you ever tasted. Completely ridiculous! If Alazamboozle is the one who sent you to me then I want to let him know...
Jimmy: Apokalypse!
Jay Impact: Yeah him! Apokalypse! If he is the oee who sent you to me then I want you to let him know that ....
Jay scratches his head for a few seconds, seems like he forgot what to say.
Jimmy: What shall I say?
Jay Impact: Well, just tell him that I googled his name but it replied - "Did you mean: A**hole?"
Jimmy: Hahaha! That was a good one. But hope your statement won't create any problem for you.
Jay Impact: I like problems, buddy. Infact I have to face a similar problem to him, my son 15 years old son, Jesse. I work on that accidental problem which popped up because I was too lazy to wear a condom. But I still struggle hard to find solutions and gain experiences of how to deal with such problems.. And I see that as a great form of bonding. Like one time they took Jesse's iPhone from school, and he comes home and he is all divested.
Jay imitates and sounds like a his son.
Jay Impact: He's like "Dada, Dada, I got to talk to you."
Jay Impact: I am like, "What? Tell me, what?"
Jay Impact (immitating his son): "They stole my phone!"
Jay Impact: I am like, "That's why you are talking."
Jimmy: But that's not funny to me.
Jay Impact: Kid, you have NO idea how funny it is.
Jimmy: So what happened then?
Jay Impact: Well, I went upstairs, took a shower and went to bed.
Jimmy: I meant to ask if he got his phone back.
Jay Impact: That's a good question Jenny, but I don't know.
Jimmy: Its Jimmy, not Jenny! So, you didn't get him a new one?
Jay Impact: Nooo, dude. I already got him a phone and it was his responsibility to take care of his phone.
Jimmy: Its not fair!
Jay Impact: Life isn't fair Jonathan, okay? But things happen.
Jimmy: Its Jimmy and not Jonathan. So what was his reaction when you ignored his demand for the new phone?
Jay Impact: He keeps on repeating the same old lines like a repeat telecast and added that its nothing for me to give him a new phone.
Jimmy: Well, he is right. You're a celebrity and it should be nothing to give him a new phone. By the way, my name is Jimmy.
Jay Impact: Jimmy, my son thinks that what I do is easy. He thinks its easy because all he sees when he attends ten or twelve shows per year is that I walk in the ring, you guys start chanting and then cool sh!t magically appears in his room.
Jimmy nods his head and allows Jay to continue.
Jay Impact: He doesn't realize that this is actually a job and there's a sacrifice that comes along with it. So I told him. I said, "Listen, Jesse, how about this? How about you explain to me that why I should get you a new phone? and if it makes sense, I will do it right now." You know what did he say?
Jimmy: He needs one?
Jay Impact: Exactly! All you sh!thead teenagers are same, pal! Infact, I told him that a cellphone for teenager isn't a necessity. Its a luxury, okay? You hear me? Its not a necessity. Its a LUXURY.
Jimmy raises his hands and gives a sarcastic applause to Jay's lecture.
Jimmy: But what if there's an emergency?
Jay Impact: Emergency like what? Someone taking your phone? What happens if I take your phone from you as your school teacher?
Jimmy: Well I will probably go and use somebody else's phone and call my mom.
Jay Impact: Right and if that doesn't work you can go to the office and let them know. There's a family emergency, please contact my mom or my dad. Next?
Jimmy: But what if you need to get a hold of your son?
Jay Impact: I know what school he goes to, buddy.
Jimmy: What about when he is walking home?
Jay Impact: I know the route that he takes.
Jimmy gets irritated but then he throws a smart question at Impact.
Jimmy: Okay! Fine but you know what? You are a celebrity and people know you for being a star. People now may know who your family is. What if someone tries to kidnap your son?
Jay Impact: They aren't kidnapping his without an iPhone and a box of Oreos. That's the only way that's gonna happen. Besides he weights 225 pounds.
Jimmy: 225 pounds? He doesn't do any hardwork.
Jay Impact: He does! .. He EATS! One of the hardest sh!t to control. See man, this is the whole scenario I have been trying to explain you. This guy called Alco Spark might be an unhandleable problem but it was as long as I didn't exist in SFT. I was forced to relinquish my SFT Intercontinental title because there in ICW I was attacked my some mysterious masked men on Wrestle Cade II because they had to make an impression for their debut. I had to spend good two months in the hospital and rehabbing my injured ribs. When I made a proper SFT debut what did I see? I was stripped off of the IC Title and Amasslimated proclaimed himself to be its custodian.
Jimmy: Apokalypse!
Jay Impact: What did I say?
Jimmy: Amasslimated or something like that.
Jay Impact: Which means..? Being entirely intoxicated on a number of illicit substances, and that's what he is. Apokalypse had his numbers until Candace marked him out of the list of any reigning champions and turned his reign a history. What is he? A former Intercontinental Champion, lost the match, the title, the esteem through the hands of some foreign woman. Do you know why did that happen? Because his mouth is bigger than the whole face of John Travolta. Assgasket has no match against me...
Jimmy: Apokalypse!
Jay Impact: Yeah him! He has no match against me unless or until he comes up with some plans that aren't in-explicit. Now I don't claim to be a better man and I am humble about that. But after watching Auilite crumbling into pieces in last match, I highly doubt that he would actually resurrect himself to that same standing where he was before. I hope he enjoyed his time beating the people around when I was rehabbing, but since I am already here so everytime he is booked against me he got to make it clear to himself by fair means or foul that he is about to hit a wall that is stronger than the great wall of China and taller than Burj Khalifah. However there's one thing which I am really worried about.
Jimmy: What's that?
Jay Impact: Infact, I happened to be an ICW Women's Champion as well and I can beat him like a woman too and he shouldn't be ashamed of that because he should start getting used to it after being defeated by Candace. You see how all of them always brag about ICW this and ICW that. Well my middle finger is for ICW and I stand with you all two but the hardest pill to swallow for these dullards is that it was ICW's Jay Impact who embarrassed the whole SFT by taking one of their titles. So, after I beat the hell out of that guy this Tuesday Night, I regret that he will be begging around in the subway with a X-ray scan of his asshole proclaiming to have a hole in his heart.
Jimmy: I don't think you can talk to a teenager like this even if you are talking about your opponent.
Jay Impact: Teenager my foot. Don't try to act so sober to me okay? Or else I am gonna take your phone, open your internet history and fax the whole stuff to your parents.
Jimmy nervously laughs and slowly gets up from the chair and exits from the cafe as Jay smirks at him before the scene fades out.
Kid: Heyyyy! Jay Impact, right?
Jay Impact: No, its Adam Impact!
Kid: Nice to meet you, bro!
Jay Impact: Meet who? Adam or Jay?
Kid: You!
Jay Impact: Who am I?
Kid: I think you might have forgotten me Jay. Remember we've met last week's SFT exclusive autograph signing session?
Jay Impact: Nah! Of course I don't know who you are. What do you think I am, the Facebook? I don't even remember autographing for anybody.
Kid: Well, that sounds embarrassing. Allow me to reintroduce myself to you. This is Jimmy!
Jimmy forwards his hand to Jay for a handshake. Jay stares at his hand for a few seconds and then picks up his phone and starts googling.
Jay Impact: Well, I did google you. You came out to be nobody. Besides, I am very keen on following SOPs. What if you are purposely carrying COVID with you right in the palm of your hand which you have forwarded me.
Jimmy: Why would I do that?
Jay Impact: I don't know! It could be some sort of jealousy. You look like a typical wanna be teenager who envy Jay Impact and wants replicate himself as one of Jay's kind.
Jimmy: No, I swear to God I don't such a thought about you.
Jay Impact: What if Ablot Rinds send you to me as a hitman.
Jimmy: Ablot Rinds?
Jay Impact: Yes! They guy who I am going to face this week's lethal lottery in a one on one match.
Jimmy: Oh!! You mean Apokalypse.
Jay Impact: Yeah him! If you are one of his representative then do let him know that he technically is Ablot Rinds.
Jimmy: What's that?
Jay Impact: The most disgusting food dish you ever tasted. Completely ridiculous! If Alazamboozle is the one who sent you to me then I want to let him know...
Jimmy: Apokalypse!
Jay Impact: Yeah him! Apokalypse! If he is the oee who sent you to me then I want you to let him know that ....
Jay scratches his head for a few seconds, seems like he forgot what to say.
Jimmy: What shall I say?
Jay Impact: Well, just tell him that I googled his name but it replied - "Did you mean: A**hole?"
Jimmy: Hahaha! That was a good one. But hope your statement won't create any problem for you.
Jay Impact: I like problems, buddy. Infact I have to face a similar problem to him, my son 15 years old son, Jesse. I work on that accidental problem which popped up because I was too lazy to wear a condom. But I still struggle hard to find solutions and gain experiences of how to deal with such problems.. And I see that as a great form of bonding. Like one time they took Jesse's iPhone from school, and he comes home and he is all divested.
Jay imitates and sounds like a his son.
Jay Impact: He's like "Dada, Dada, I got to talk to you."
Jay Impact: I am like, "What? Tell me, what?"
Jay Impact (immitating his son): "They stole my phone!"
Jay Impact: I am like, "That's why you are talking."
Jimmy: But that's not funny to me.
Jay Impact: Kid, you have NO idea how funny it is.
Jimmy: So what happened then?
Jay Impact: Well, I went upstairs, took a shower and went to bed.
Jimmy: I meant to ask if he got his phone back.
Jay Impact: That's a good question Jenny, but I don't know.
Jimmy: Its Jimmy, not Jenny! So, you didn't get him a new one?
Jay Impact: Nooo, dude. I already got him a phone and it was his responsibility to take care of his phone.
Jimmy: Its not fair!
Jay Impact: Life isn't fair Jonathan, okay? But things happen.
Jimmy: Its Jimmy and not Jonathan. So what was his reaction when you ignored his demand for the new phone?
Jay Impact: He keeps on repeating the same old lines like a repeat telecast and added that its nothing for me to give him a new phone.
Jimmy: Well, he is right. You're a celebrity and it should be nothing to give him a new phone. By the way, my name is Jimmy.
Jay Impact: Jimmy, my son thinks that what I do is easy. He thinks its easy because all he sees when he attends ten or twelve shows per year is that I walk in the ring, you guys start chanting and then cool sh!t magically appears in his room.
Jimmy nods his head and allows Jay to continue.
Jay Impact: He doesn't realize that this is actually a job and there's a sacrifice that comes along with it. So I told him. I said, "Listen, Jesse, how about this? How about you explain to me that why I should get you a new phone? and if it makes sense, I will do it right now." You know what did he say?
Jimmy: He needs one?
Jay Impact: Exactly! All you sh!thead teenagers are same, pal! Infact, I told him that a cellphone for teenager isn't a necessity. Its a luxury, okay? You hear me? Its not a necessity. Its a LUXURY.
Jimmy raises his hands and gives a sarcastic applause to Jay's lecture.
Jimmy: But what if there's an emergency?
Jay Impact: Emergency like what? Someone taking your phone? What happens if I take your phone from you as your school teacher?
Jimmy: Well I will probably go and use somebody else's phone and call my mom.
Jay Impact: Right and if that doesn't work you can go to the office and let them know. There's a family emergency, please contact my mom or my dad. Next?
Jimmy: But what if you need to get a hold of your son?
Jay Impact: I know what school he goes to, buddy.
Jimmy: What about when he is walking home?
Jay Impact: I know the route that he takes.
Jimmy gets irritated but then he throws a smart question at Impact.
Jimmy: Okay! Fine but you know what? You are a celebrity and people know you for being a star. People now may know who your family is. What if someone tries to kidnap your son?
Jay Impact: They aren't kidnapping his without an iPhone and a box of Oreos. That's the only way that's gonna happen. Besides he weights 225 pounds.
Jimmy: 225 pounds? He doesn't do any hardwork.
Jay Impact: He does! .. He EATS! One of the hardest sh!t to control. See man, this is the whole scenario I have been trying to explain you. This guy called Alco Spark might be an unhandleable problem but it was as long as I didn't exist in SFT. I was forced to relinquish my SFT Intercontinental title because there in ICW I was attacked my some mysterious masked men on Wrestle Cade II because they had to make an impression for their debut. I had to spend good two months in the hospital and rehabbing my injured ribs. When I made a proper SFT debut what did I see? I was stripped off of the IC Title and Amasslimated proclaimed himself to be its custodian.
Jimmy: Apokalypse!
Jay Impact: What did I say?
Jimmy: Amasslimated or something like that.
Jay Impact: Which means..? Being entirely intoxicated on a number of illicit substances, and that's what he is. Apokalypse had his numbers until Candace marked him out of the list of any reigning champions and turned his reign a history. What is he? A former Intercontinental Champion, lost the match, the title, the esteem through the hands of some foreign woman. Do you know why did that happen? Because his mouth is bigger than the whole face of John Travolta. Assgasket has no match against me...
Jimmy: Apokalypse!
Jay Impact: Yeah him! He has no match against me unless or until he comes up with some plans that aren't in-explicit. Now I don't claim to be a better man and I am humble about that. But after watching Auilite crumbling into pieces in last match, I highly doubt that he would actually resurrect himself to that same standing where he was before. I hope he enjoyed his time beating the people around when I was rehabbing, but since I am already here so everytime he is booked against me he got to make it clear to himself by fair means or foul that he is about to hit a wall that is stronger than the great wall of China and taller than Burj Khalifah. However there's one thing which I am really worried about.
Jimmy: What's that?
Jay Impact: Infact, I happened to be an ICW Women's Champion as well and I can beat him like a woman too and he shouldn't be ashamed of that because he should start getting used to it after being defeated by Candace. You see how all of them always brag about ICW this and ICW that. Well my middle finger is for ICW and I stand with you all two but the hardest pill to swallow for these dullards is that it was ICW's Jay Impact who embarrassed the whole SFT by taking one of their titles. So, after I beat the hell out of that guy this Tuesday Night, I regret that he will be begging around in the subway with a X-ray scan of his asshole proclaiming to have a hole in his heart.
Jimmy: I don't think you can talk to a teenager like this even if you are talking about your opponent.
Jay Impact: Teenager my foot. Don't try to act so sober to me okay? Or else I am gonna take your phone, open your internet history and fax the whole stuff to your parents.
Jimmy nervously laughs and slowly gets up from the chair and exits from the cafe as Jay smirks at him before the scene fades out.
