Post by 💀 ＡＰＯＫ 💀 on Jun 28, 2020 15:32:35 GMT -5
Beginning.
I only got one shot at a first round win in this tournament… and I blew it. Well… not just me. Twilight blew it, too. The guy was too worried about travelling through time in his space ship to worry about advancing in the tournament.
I thought the first round of this tournament was too predictable. For a randomized tournament… they all seemed one-sided. Twilight and I maybe had the toughest match, only because Emerson is such a dominant World Champion. Until that match… he had never faced an immortal machine like Apokalypse before… but he sure does feel threatened by me now.
I could smell it on him.
That same fear emanated from Jamo the last time we faced off. Then… he had a snowball's chance in Hell at winning because it was a triple threat. Now… it's a singles match… for my Intercontinental Heavyweight Championship of the World. The end result was written in stone thousands of years ago: Apokalypse wins.
Every religion teaches some version of Apokalypse. What they don't teach is that you all have no reason to fear me. I am a benevolent ruler… with a heart of gold. Is that an actual measurement? That still sounds so weird. One day you will also realize that I was the good guy all along. Unfortunately nobody is truly listening to me… because I'm not telling stories about food like the rest of you. I wasn't aware of SFT's direct relationship with the Food Network. Maybe if I catered more to these weirdos who are obsessed with food… maybe then I would be valued.
Get it?
Catered?
Yeah. You get it. You're not ALL slow. Some of you are surely the tortoise… if the tortoise was hit by a truck. Some of you overanalyze things… but I won't have to worry about that with Jamo. That doofus is busy watching cartoon wrestling to pick up his next catchphrase.
I do not take this championship for granted. With me as it's master… this is THE premier championship in Strike Fantasy Towers. Does anyone believe I have fought so hard to be champion… just to get lazy now against that muppet Jamo?
HAHA!
All is right in the world as long as I decide to be champion.
I admittedly took it easy in the Lethal Lottery tournament… because it didn't matter to me. This championship is my universe and for me to be a great champion… I must defend it. This sloth schedule would mean that I wouldn't defend it until… what… August? That's unacceptable. A champion fights for his championship. That's exactly what I will do at Titans this week.
Now, I could do a lot of research on Jamo. I could dissect him verbally. I could point out one thousand and eighty eight reasons why I'm going to remain champion. What would be the point? Watching his promos is like watching Dr. Seuss' ex-wife's great-nephew's twenty year old golden retriever try to get a treat out of a kong shell. Did you try to follow along to see if that made any sense? Good. That's what it's like when that dolt opens his mouth.
If he does remember that we have a match this week… I'm sure he'll come out hot with the old "I donut give fuck why think about me". Yes, that was intentionally gibberish… to counter his innate gibberish. He'll trash the fans because reasons or whatever. He'll say fuck a bunch of times because it's the first word he learned in English. He'll bring up some obscure fact about ICW because that somehow matters here. The very fact that HE was ICW World Champion proves they're handing out participation trophies over there.
Here in SFT… you have to EARN championships. Even though mine was handed to me… I earned the right to be called champion the following episode of Titans. What has Jamo done to EARN a shot at me? Absolutely nothing. He has a shot simply because he has a heartbeat. In two days… at Titans… I will flatline that mindless freak once and for all.
Apokalypse is the hero that SFT doesn't even deserve.
Jamo is the villain that SFT doesn't even care about.
Guess which one of us walks out as Intercontinental Champion?
*****Spoiler Alert*****
Winner = Apokalypse via referee stoppage (2:58)
Duh.
There is only one way out of this for you, Jamo.
In a fucking body bag.
And then… because I'm the greatest of all time… I will resurrect you and make you better than ever.
Follow me, Jamo… for I am your salvation.
Trust in me and I will show you a whole new world. One filled with endless opportunities.
Or you can be the same scatter brained pile of shit you're known for… and you can go fuck yourself back to ICW or whatever inbred swamp you crawled out Duh. You'll never amount to anything without my guidance and supervision. You'll certainly never be champion without my tutelage. We don't hand out participation trophies like in ICW.
Does ICW even exist if I have not been there to decimate their roster?
I have single handedly made SFT a valued entity in the world of professional wrestling again. Maybe one day I will put ICW on the map, too. With the likes of jumbled Jamo as the face of that company… it's no wonder they lost the war to SFT.
(I really don't know who won… nor do I care.)
Jamo, why are you even here? You're not good at talking. You're not good at wrestling. The only thing you even do remotely well is breathe oxygen… and even that I'd only rate you at three stars. If you want to be ten stars on a scale of five like me… you've got a lot… A LOT… of work to do.
Are you ready to put in the work, Jamo?
Your crash course begins on Tuesday at Titans.
Where's the show?
Oh.
An undisclosed location in Portland, Oregon.
(I still think it's weird we don't know exactly where we're wrestling. Does someone just throw a dart at a map?)
This is where I should discuss local cuisine to gain favor with the viewers, since they're all human garbage stuck to their couches.
But no… I won't do what everyone else in SFT does… because I'm leagues beyond them mentally… physically… emotionally. I've proven it so many times… but bragging about my success makes the doofy dozen sad. They think the things I've done don't matter.
As usual… they're dead wrong.
Will you fall as the rest have, Jamo?
Will you be as ignorant as your peers?
Only time will tell.
What I do know for certain… is that Apokalypse will be champion until he decides to not be champion.
You are not the one to defeat him, Jamo.
Sorry.
Not sorry.
Ending.
