Post by 💀 ＡＰＯＫ 💀 on May 15, 2020 8:32:57 GMT -5
Apokalypse is pissed off and rightly so. He waited over a week for the allegedly legendary Louis Cypher to attack him with hurtful words… and all that happened was a recipe for veggies or some dumb shit. Honestly, it all mashed together and didn't mean anything. So… here's Apokalypse...
"Only a man with the mind of a child would see the word Apokalypse and think Alpaca. I should have seen that one coming but you pulled a fast one on me, Louis. Oh how clever! While comparing the most dangerous creature in SFT history to an Alpaca… you somehow… SOMEHOW… thought an Alpaca was in some way similar to an Ostrich. I assumed your education was all wiped away due to head trauma… and… like usual… I was right!"
"In what way are those two animals similar? They are as closely related as you and I, Lou. One of us is a terrifyingly brilliant and strong professional wrestler and the other… is you. You wait over a week to come at me with a verbal beatdown fitting of a champion… and instead… you come at me with… poop jokes? This is no time to be cute, Louie C. This is serious business and you're not capable of taking me seriously. That's a shame. For a former champion… I expected more out of you."
"My biggest mistake so far has been my belief that SFT would place a worthy adversary in front of me. All have fallen thus far… and so shall you. Shame on SFT for not taking my insatiable thirst for greatness seriously. And what's that nonsense about if you beat me… that I would get a World Title shot? That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. When I face Emerson Embry… it will be a continuation of my universally strong winning streak."
"Ohhhh. Then more Alpaca jokes from the prince of comedy. Hardy har har. You're so damn witty. How will I ever make it in this world with such an elementary attempt at humor being thrown my way? I might as well just forfeit my championship before I've even officially won it. I just can't handle… nope… NOPE! I can't even keep that farce going long enough to convince a simpleton like you, Louis. You spend more time talking about random foods than you do explaining why YOU are the man to boldly carry THIS championship into the future."
"WHAT A FUCKING JOKE!"
"Why do I waste so much time on you, Lou… when you are obviously a joke of a challenger to my already dominant throne? Oh… because I'm overstocked on time… and I've got to waste it somewhere. It might as well be here… with dummies like you. If you are the best they've got to take me out… then I'll be in the Hall of Fame by July. That'll be right after I am proclaimed supreme rules of all championships… past, present, future."
"It's a no brainer… which is coincidental because you have no brain, Louis. Much like Scarecrow in Oz, you are on a tireless journey to find a brain. When you follow the yellow brick road to the Emerald City… you'll find that it has been decimated by the warship of a man called Apokalypse. No brain for you, Lou. You'll have to mope back to your couch to eat shrimp cocktail or whatever. Eat your life away and leave the pro wrestling to me."
"I think it has been proven well ahead of time that I will absolutely defeat you at Titans in Los Angeles. Where in LA? Nobody knows. All venues are top secret, even from us. We all get abducted with hoods over our heads… and we're transported to undisclosed locations where we fight for our freedom. Oh. That's not what happens here? Then tell us the dann venue! It can't be THAT hard! It's not really a problem for Louie C. He probably just hangs out at the nearest soup kitchen, looking to get his next fix."
Apokalypse sits down, resting his head in his hands. His wife walks over and sits next to him.
"What's wrong?"
"This is so stupid. All of it. I'm hitting this guy on all cylinders... and he's doing a cooking show in response. Why am I doing this? It's a complete waste of time."
"Because you can. Most of those guys make it too easy to walk all over them. I think Balkan and Accountant would give you a run for your money. Same with Martin. But… Cypher? That's not much of a challenge for you. When you hit… it is with every molecule. You expect the same in return… and when someone like Cypher plays checkers… it's meaningless to play chess."
"You… know me… so well."
"We've known each other forever. It's only natural that I know you better than anyone."
"Yeah. So… what should I… do?"
"You SHOULD just give up and stop pretending like Cypher is going to give you the thrill of the hunt that you crave. But… I know you'll keep coming at him with hammers… while he plays with spoons."
"You are WAY better at analogies than me."
"I'm better at a lot of things than you… but that's what makes us… work."
"I love you."
"Until your death do us part."
The end?
”The end approaches, but the Apokalypse is long lived.”
-Jacques Derrida
-Jacques Derrida
