Always and Forever

Teddy sniffing glue he was 12 years old

Fell from the roof on East Two-nine

Cathy was 11 when she pulled the plug

On 26 reds and a bottle of wine

Bobby got leukemia, 14 years old

He looked like 65 when he died

He was a friend of mine

Those are people who died, died

Those are people who died, died

Those are people who died, died

Those are people who died, died

They were all my friends, and they died

G-berg and Georgie let their gimmicks go rotten

So they died of hepatitis in upper Manhattan

Sly in Vietnam took a bullet in the head

Bobby OD'd on Drano on the night that he was wed

They were two more friends of mine

Two more friends that died / I miss 'em--they died

Mary took a dry dive from a hotel room

Bobby hung himself from a cell in the tombs

Judy jumped in front of a subway train

Eddie got slit in the jugular vein

And Eddie, I miss you more than all the others,

And I salute you brother/ This song is for you my brother

Herbie pushed Tony from the Boys' Club roof

Tony thought that his rage was just some goof

But Herbie sure gave Tony some b**chen proof

"Hey," Herbie said, "Tony, can you fly?"

But Tony couldn't fly . . . Tony died

Brian got busted on a narco rap

He beat the rap by rattin' on some bikers

He said, hey, I know it's dangerous,

but it sure beats Riker's

But the next day he got offed

by the very same bikers

Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died



Teddy sniffing glue he was 12 years old
Fell from the roof on East Two-nine
Cathy was 11 when she pulled the plug
On 26 reds and a bottle of wine
Bobby got leukemia, 14 years old
He looked like 65 when he died
He was a friend of mine

Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died

Mary took a dry dive from a hotel room
Bobby hung himself from a cell in the tombs
Judy jumped in front of a subway train
Eddie got slit in the jugular vein
And Eddie, I miss you more than all the others
This song is for you my brother
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
Those are people who died, died
They were all my friends, and they died



I was going to wait till Easter Sunday to come visit my friends and family. But I couldn't put it off any longer. I first went back up to Dallas. Went to visit my mother and fathers grave. Left a bottle of gin for my father, bastard always loved his drink. I talked to my mother for a while. It hurts a little less everyday. But a part of me doesn't want it to stop hurting. I don't want it to stop hurting. Then I went to visit Alby. Been a while since I thought of him. Then I come across his favorite song, and how could I not come see him. I see some fresh flowers so his sister has been here. That's good. No one should be completely forgotten. I talk to him a little as well.



I wish I could visit Shadow but his mother took his ashes back home to where he grew up. I miss him most of all. The world seems eerily empty most days. His sister and I speak about him a little everyday. And we miss him even more after that.



And so I have been here before. The last man left at a party that ended long ago. That ever been you? You ever gone somewhere and had so much fun that little by little people start to leave, and by the time you know it there's only a handful of you left there, the sun comes up and you’re still going refusing to go home. The people start to clean up and tell you can stay as long as you want, but you get that sinking feeling at the bottom of your stomach that you need to get home. Well I’ve felt that way for years. And I am still here.



I made my pilgrimage back home. All the way just thinking about my family and friends. And how much I miss them. And I am getting older, almost middle age. And soon enough I’ll start getting sick, heart issues, maybe a stroke one day. And soon I’ll be an old man and I’ll sit and tell stories about back in the day but all I’ll really want is to be with my friends and family. But at the same time so afraid. Death is a part of life, but its still a scary thing. Always and forever.



And for a moment I wonder if Jamo, TK, or Robert have anything they fear? And if they did would they admit it? I seriously doubt it. Admitting fear takes something and someone cut from a different cloth. Jamo the hardcore king, still dealing with the repercussions of so time off. TK too busy to deal with mundane things like SFT that he forgets he has things here as well. And Robert who is pulled in a dozen different directions waiting for one major pull to take him to where he was before. But where is that? Where are they all? Where are TK, Jamo, and Robert. I hate drinking alone.



There are a few people in our lives that we love and respect so much that we put them on a pedestal and we expect them to stay there. Yet they all get knocked down. So much so that most don't ever get up again. Always and forever.



And so I am, the last man at the party that ended ages ago. Sitting around having drinks with ghosts and memories. And soon I will be that ghost and memory. And a part of me cant wait till its my time, but another part of me is scared of that next place. Always and forever.



This is all I have to say for now. I don't feel like saying anything else now.



...fade….to…..Darkness…...