Post by Joey on Mar 7, 2019 18:16:58 GMT -5
The world seems to sink beneath my feet. And I sink with it.
The scene is Cape Cod. Not sure how I got here, the weather is something terrible. But a part of me was called here. And I guess I should eat some seafood. When in Rome right? For those who do not know, Cape Cod is in Massachusetts. Its got some history. Most of it good. In a way you could say its a lot like SFT.
This is area is not that big. Most of it consists of commercial fishermen and lots of tourist places and restaurants. This place is freezing, winter is still in full effect here.
I exit my car and make my way to a restaurant. The place is called the Chowder House. Its not a huge place, a few cars in the parking lot but even though its Monday its still a bit empty. But I realize winter is still here, and that might explain the lack of people. Locals probably do not frequent this place too often.
I open my car door with my left hand and am hit with the cold snap of the weather. I have an old but trust jacket and I used it to cover my chest with both my arms draped around myself. I take a short walk before I am the door pushing the door as I enter. A young woman with greenish highlights in her hair greets me saying “you are a brave man willing to take this weather, but I know the food here is worth it, table for one?”
I nod yes. She instructs me to follow her, and I do. As I reach the table on the east side of the restaurant I take a seat, she asks me if I would like some coffee, I reply no, I would like a Pepsi with very little ice. She says glad to and walks away. A minute or two later she is back at my table with a menu and my soda. She tells me the specials of the day. I say with a name like Chowder House I have to start off with a bowl of clam chowder. She says that's an excellent choice. For my entree I decide to try the blackened Mahi with craw-fish and shrimp sauce on top. She gives me a genuine smile and tells me the chef is in her opinion one of the best when it comes to Mahi even better than Pappadeux chefs. We talk for a moment and she tells me most tourists seem to always go for the lobster or crabs, and while all that is fine and dandy, its the equivalent of mcdonalds big mac. Its easy to boil crabs and lobsters and serve them. But real seafood in her opinion should be more, and she was right.
She disappears to the front again to her station. And for a brief moment I realize we are all attached to our stations in life. What we were meant for.
I take my cell phone out of right front jacket pocket. I use my code to unlock the phone. I make a phone call and check on my dear Nun. She answers on the 2nd ring and puts me at ease saying she is fine. I think to myself (fine for now). I think proceed to check my email, nothing there of real interest. Third thing I do is check SFT and see if there any promos from Rumpke. And so far there are not. Strange.
It is strange, he rarely misses a beat on lesser opponents. Most times he usually knocks them over the head with words after words and endless droning speeches. Speeches that mean more to him than his opponents. And most days I want to say something but I bite my tongue. But now I don't have to. Now I can say is “what is it you really want to say, what do you stand for?”
Every single wrestler in SFT has this idea of themselves, some self diluted idea of self grandeur. Everyone thinks that every single person in the world is hanging on their every word. That with certain thoughts or ideas that their so called message will go through the stratosphere and reach every single person on the internet. When the reality is quite different. No one but a few really care what your or I or anyone has to say. And then its over and we and they move on. I came to accept the idea that no one really cares what I have to say, and for a long time it was my idea that since I didn't care why would anyone else? And I realize just how right I was. I don't have any special meanings, I don't have a magical way with words like Glenn or Shadow had. I don't have the creativity of many others. No, what I had was attention to detail, and a grand hatred for most things in this world and the next. Hatred that went far beyond self loathing. It came with an understanding, that we are all merely puppets to a grand master and I refused to play that game, but play I did, as did we all.
So Rumpke soon I will be eating my meal. And so I will dedicate this time to you while that meal is prepared. You are a drunk. Simple as that. That is not to say that you are a bad person nor a good person. You are what you are. You have tried hard to battle what and who you are. And you always fail. You always lose. The funny thing is you are playing a game of chess with yourself and you still manage to lose on both sides. How does one accomplish such a thing? It must take some special skills for you to lose to yourself and still not win? I mean you try to be the good guy live your life the right way and you fail miserably, some might say you lose in an epic way. Then the other side you try to just be honest with yourself and accept who and what you are and you end up taking a self pity trip which ends up being a self hatred trip. You hate yourself so much you cant even allow yourself to enjoy that awful things you do in spite of yourself.
Rumpke I will try to simplify this for you cause I know the later the night goes the harder it is for you to grasp things. Pick a side. You are so self divided you cant be good or bad and you end up messing yourself so much worse. You know one side of you will be the end of you and yet you keep on playing chicken with yourself. Hows that work? All you end up doing is crashing into yourself and destroying yourself. You have lost the love of the women you loved, they ended up discarding you like day old pizza. But worse of all you trash yourself, your life, your livelihood. People no longer hate you, they pity you. And trust me old friend, you don't deserve hate much less any pity.
People have tried to help you and failed miserably. And most nights you spend locked in your room finding a new way to spiral out of control. And you keep blocking every attempt for help because deep down you don't want to be helped. And so you end up being a tragic comedy. Shakespeare would of loved you. He could of written an opus around you and your life. And deep in the wee hours of the night when all the world is asleep and not yet awake you find other sides of you looking to take control and while you hate those sides you are happy to give in and let them take control. You wake up in the afternoon and wonder what relationships they ruined for you. You apologize and say you don't remember doing or saying such things. But its just an excuse you like to lose control because for one you can indulge in the bad side and not have to apologize for it.
Am I wrong? I think we both know that we are not.
The waitress comes and brings me over my chowder. I put a dash of salt and salt and pepper and ask her for some Tabasco sauce which she promptly brings along with some oyster crackers. I dig in, my appetite now in full swing.
You see Rumpke I am trying to show you something. I am not here to put you down, or scream at you or tell you how I am better than you. None of that has ever been my game. I am here to tell you that I will win our match not because I am better but because I don't sabotage myself. I don't trip myself. I am in control of my emotions, of my actions, of my decisions and most importantly my thoughts and words. I control every aspect of my being. You cannot say the same.
And so Rumpke this is where you and I come to see just who we are. I am Redd. And you Rumpke are a failure. I am sorry if that hurts but you fail at everything you do. And so I am sure it stings a little but it comes as no real shock, of that I am sure.
I am done with the clam chowder. My waitress says my fish will be with me shortly. She brings me a cup of limes and lemons cut up in wedges, and brings me a refill of my Pepsi. I say thank you. And she tells me I am welcome.
Then lets wrap this up before my blackened Mahi arrives. Rumpke what are we going to do with you? I would try to say something like I will try my best to save. But honestly we both know I cant save you from yourself, so such an endeavor I would not attempt. And plus I really think you don't want to be saved. I think deep down you know the ending for your story will be a tragic one. And I think you have come to accept such an ending. I would not accept but then again I have never been the type to shy away from a fight, not even from myself. Just another way that you and I differ.
So Rumpke what do you want to say to me? Do you want to try to push me into some “smack” talk? Do you want me to go all hulkamania on you and try the ra ra ra speech or go on and one for an hour about how great I am and you are not. For one thing I am not great. Such egos are left for lesser men. I am me. And I am fine with that.
The waitress brings my plate and it is beautiful, she waits a moment asking me if I would like anything else. I take a first bite of my fish and my tastebuds revel in the texture and the pure enjoyment of the moment, the spices and peppers, it is divine. If I believed too much in heaven and hell I would say this was positively heavenly. But you know me better than that.
So Rumpke, my meal has arrived and I no longer have any more time to waste on you. And a waste it has been. I would leave you with some parting words but lets face it, you wont remember anything I have to say.
Goodbye Rumpke.
..Fade...to….Darkness…...
The scene is Cape Cod. Not sure how I got here, the weather is something terrible. But a part of me was called here. And I guess I should eat some seafood. When in Rome right? For those who do not know, Cape Cod is in Massachusetts. Its got some history. Most of it good. In a way you could say its a lot like SFT.
This is area is not that big. Most of it consists of commercial fishermen and lots of tourist places and restaurants. This place is freezing, winter is still in full effect here.
I exit my car and make my way to a restaurant. The place is called the Chowder House. Its not a huge place, a few cars in the parking lot but even though its Monday its still a bit empty. But I realize winter is still here, and that might explain the lack of people. Locals probably do not frequent this place too often.
I open my car door with my left hand and am hit with the cold snap of the weather. I have an old but trust jacket and I used it to cover my chest with both my arms draped around myself. I take a short walk before I am the door pushing the door as I enter. A young woman with greenish highlights in her hair greets me saying “you are a brave man willing to take this weather, but I know the food here is worth it, table for one?”
I nod yes. She instructs me to follow her, and I do. As I reach the table on the east side of the restaurant I take a seat, she asks me if I would like some coffee, I reply no, I would like a Pepsi with very little ice. She says glad to and walks away. A minute or two later she is back at my table with a menu and my soda. She tells me the specials of the day. I say with a name like Chowder House I have to start off with a bowl of clam chowder. She says that's an excellent choice. For my entree I decide to try the blackened Mahi with craw-fish and shrimp sauce on top. She gives me a genuine smile and tells me the chef is in her opinion one of the best when it comes to Mahi even better than Pappadeux chefs. We talk for a moment and she tells me most tourists seem to always go for the lobster or crabs, and while all that is fine and dandy, its the equivalent of mcdonalds big mac. Its easy to boil crabs and lobsters and serve them. But real seafood in her opinion should be more, and she was right.
She disappears to the front again to her station. And for a brief moment I realize we are all attached to our stations in life. What we were meant for.
I take my cell phone out of right front jacket pocket. I use my code to unlock the phone. I make a phone call and check on my dear Nun. She answers on the 2nd ring and puts me at ease saying she is fine. I think to myself (fine for now). I think proceed to check my email, nothing there of real interest. Third thing I do is check SFT and see if there any promos from Rumpke. And so far there are not. Strange.
It is strange, he rarely misses a beat on lesser opponents. Most times he usually knocks them over the head with words after words and endless droning speeches. Speeches that mean more to him than his opponents. And most days I want to say something but I bite my tongue. But now I don't have to. Now I can say is “what is it you really want to say, what do you stand for?”
Every single wrestler in SFT has this idea of themselves, some self diluted idea of self grandeur. Everyone thinks that every single person in the world is hanging on their every word. That with certain thoughts or ideas that their so called message will go through the stratosphere and reach every single person on the internet. When the reality is quite different. No one but a few really care what your or I or anyone has to say. And then its over and we and they move on. I came to accept the idea that no one really cares what I have to say, and for a long time it was my idea that since I didn't care why would anyone else? And I realize just how right I was. I don't have any special meanings, I don't have a magical way with words like Glenn or Shadow had. I don't have the creativity of many others. No, what I had was attention to detail, and a grand hatred for most things in this world and the next. Hatred that went far beyond self loathing. It came with an understanding, that we are all merely puppets to a grand master and I refused to play that game, but play I did, as did we all.
So Rumpke soon I will be eating my meal. And so I will dedicate this time to you while that meal is prepared. You are a drunk. Simple as that. That is not to say that you are a bad person nor a good person. You are what you are. You have tried hard to battle what and who you are. And you always fail. You always lose. The funny thing is you are playing a game of chess with yourself and you still manage to lose on both sides. How does one accomplish such a thing? It must take some special skills for you to lose to yourself and still not win? I mean you try to be the good guy live your life the right way and you fail miserably, some might say you lose in an epic way. Then the other side you try to just be honest with yourself and accept who and what you are and you end up taking a self pity trip which ends up being a self hatred trip. You hate yourself so much you cant even allow yourself to enjoy that awful things you do in spite of yourself.
Rumpke I will try to simplify this for you cause I know the later the night goes the harder it is for you to grasp things. Pick a side. You are so self divided you cant be good or bad and you end up messing yourself so much worse. You know one side of you will be the end of you and yet you keep on playing chicken with yourself. Hows that work? All you end up doing is crashing into yourself and destroying yourself. You have lost the love of the women you loved, they ended up discarding you like day old pizza. But worse of all you trash yourself, your life, your livelihood. People no longer hate you, they pity you. And trust me old friend, you don't deserve hate much less any pity.
People have tried to help you and failed miserably. And most nights you spend locked in your room finding a new way to spiral out of control. And you keep blocking every attempt for help because deep down you don't want to be helped. And so you end up being a tragic comedy. Shakespeare would of loved you. He could of written an opus around you and your life. And deep in the wee hours of the night when all the world is asleep and not yet awake you find other sides of you looking to take control and while you hate those sides you are happy to give in and let them take control. You wake up in the afternoon and wonder what relationships they ruined for you. You apologize and say you don't remember doing or saying such things. But its just an excuse you like to lose control because for one you can indulge in the bad side and not have to apologize for it.
Am I wrong? I think we both know that we are not.
The waitress comes and brings me over my chowder. I put a dash of salt and salt and pepper and ask her for some Tabasco sauce which she promptly brings along with some oyster crackers. I dig in, my appetite now in full swing.
You see Rumpke I am trying to show you something. I am not here to put you down, or scream at you or tell you how I am better than you. None of that has ever been my game. I am here to tell you that I will win our match not because I am better but because I don't sabotage myself. I don't trip myself. I am in control of my emotions, of my actions, of my decisions and most importantly my thoughts and words. I control every aspect of my being. You cannot say the same.
And so Rumpke this is where you and I come to see just who we are. I am Redd. And you Rumpke are a failure. I am sorry if that hurts but you fail at everything you do. And so I am sure it stings a little but it comes as no real shock, of that I am sure.
I am done with the clam chowder. My waitress says my fish will be with me shortly. She brings me a cup of limes and lemons cut up in wedges, and brings me a refill of my Pepsi. I say thank you. And she tells me I am welcome.
Then lets wrap this up before my blackened Mahi arrives. Rumpke what are we going to do with you? I would try to say something like I will try my best to save. But honestly we both know I cant save you from yourself, so such an endeavor I would not attempt. And plus I really think you don't want to be saved. I think deep down you know the ending for your story will be a tragic one. And I think you have come to accept such an ending. I would not accept but then again I have never been the type to shy away from a fight, not even from myself. Just another way that you and I differ.
So Rumpke what do you want to say to me? Do you want to try to push me into some “smack” talk? Do you want me to go all hulkamania on you and try the ra ra ra speech or go on and one for an hour about how great I am and you are not. For one thing I am not great. Such egos are left for lesser men. I am me. And I am fine with that.
The waitress brings my plate and it is beautiful, she waits a moment asking me if I would like anything else. I take a first bite of my fish and my tastebuds revel in the texture and the pure enjoyment of the moment, the spices and peppers, it is divine. If I believed too much in heaven and hell I would say this was positively heavenly. But you know me better than that.
So Rumpke, my meal has arrived and I no longer have any more time to waste on you. And a waste it has been. I would leave you with some parting words but lets face it, you wont remember anything I have to say.
Goodbye Rumpke.
..Fade...to….Darkness…...
