Post by louiscypher on Mar 22, 2018 12:45:46 GMT -5
When I was 14. I was obsessed with Antoin Lavey. I thought he was the end all be all. The man that would teach me all I needed to know. I planned to move to San Francisco and seek him out as soon as I turned 18. But he died before I could reach that age. I was distraught. I didnt know what I would do after that point. I sought out all he ever wrote and then some. I wrote the church he founded. I asked for any and all materials I could get my hands on. And they responded in kind. It was a start. It wasnt the route I wanted to take but it was a start.
I read Dante’s Inferno. I read Canterbury tales. I found contracts people had created and signed, transferring ownership of their souls. Like I said I was obsessed with knowing that there was something more out there. Its the same process others would have with trying to prove god was real. That god existed. I needed to know that the evil one existed as well. I needed to know that what I felt in my heart was there for a reason. That I wasnt a walking talking nightmare, but that I was that for a reason.
Some people would think I was looking for a sense of being. Perhaps. But really I just didnt want to be alone. I never did find that definitive proof. I was still lost. I got married to a good woman, and I think that was part of the problem, she tried to understand me, but she couldnt or wouldnt, she was afraid to dig too deep with me. We had children and I was a decent father I think. But love wasnt something I could feel. Something deep in me refused to allow such emotions. But I played the part of husband and father very well.
And so I played the part. I played the part really well. Till the day came when I couldnt play the part any longer. I gave up. I moved on. I left that part of my life behind. Left my wife and my children. I am quite the awful excuse for a human being. I dont deny that.
But I am truthful. That you could not deny. So I am waiting for Robert Saints and Jackson Kent to come forward and spill some truth on me as well. I am waiting and waiting. Perhaps if I fast fowarded this day to lets say Sunday? Maybe I could get them to say something before Sunday but I really doubt it. Some people like to wait till the last minute. Procrastinate and hold off because thats how they are. They are the same people that wait till April to file their taxes. They wait till the final day to renew their plates and their drivers license. The world is full of people like Robert and Jackson. It is sad but true.
Me? I am different. Not to say that I am better. Cause better and me do not belong in the same sentence. I am different. I am awful. I am horrible. And I wont be so stupid and cliché to say “Rarr I am evil! I am scary and be wary of my might! Be afraid of me rarr!
Who would ever take stuff like that seriously? Haha
I am done
Fade
I read Dante’s Inferno. I read Canterbury tales. I found contracts people had created and signed, transferring ownership of their souls. Like I said I was obsessed with knowing that there was something more out there. Its the same process others would have with trying to prove god was real. That god existed. I needed to know that the evil one existed as well. I needed to know that what I felt in my heart was there for a reason. That I wasnt a walking talking nightmare, but that I was that for a reason.
Some people would think I was looking for a sense of being. Perhaps. But really I just didnt want to be alone. I never did find that definitive proof. I was still lost. I got married to a good woman, and I think that was part of the problem, she tried to understand me, but she couldnt or wouldnt, she was afraid to dig too deep with me. We had children and I was a decent father I think. But love wasnt something I could feel. Something deep in me refused to allow such emotions. But I played the part of husband and father very well.
And so I played the part. I played the part really well. Till the day came when I couldnt play the part any longer. I gave up. I moved on. I left that part of my life behind. Left my wife and my children. I am quite the awful excuse for a human being. I dont deny that.
But I am truthful. That you could not deny. So I am waiting for Robert Saints and Jackson Kent to come forward and spill some truth on me as well. I am waiting and waiting. Perhaps if I fast fowarded this day to lets say Sunday? Maybe I could get them to say something before Sunday but I really doubt it. Some people like to wait till the last minute. Procrastinate and hold off because thats how they are. They are the same people that wait till April to file their taxes. They wait till the final day to renew their plates and their drivers license. The world is full of people like Robert and Jackson. It is sad but true.
Me? I am different. Not to say that I am better. Cause better and me do not belong in the same sentence. I am different. I am awful. I am horrible. And I wont be so stupid and cliché to say “Rarr I am evil! I am scary and be wary of my might! Be afraid of me rarr!
Who would ever take stuff like that seriously? Haha
I am done
Fade
