Post by Joey on Jun 16, 2017 12:54:05 GMT -5
Do not continue with this if you have a weak stomach.
Do not get used to crap.
When I was 17 I worked in a waste disposal unit. We would fix septic tanks, sewage lines, anything to do with disposal and crap we fixed it. Usually it meant we would have to dig and dig till we got to the tank or the pipes. Once there, the only way to fix the tank is simple, we need to break a hole in the septic tank, usually at the top. As we would break through the cement the smell would hit us. And it didn’t matter if we were those cotton masks around our nose and mouth. The smell was something that can not be forgotten, even 20 years later those smells still haunt me. Hahaha, yeah shit smells but a 6 foot cement bowl full of it, well you need to be there to understand.
And why I am discussing this will become evident at the end. Lucas you have the poet of a soul. You speak eloquently. You are careful with your words, mindful of your emotions. You remember your past very well. And that is a good thing, because if we forget the past we are doomed to repeat it.
We begin by trying to put as much moveable plastic on our bodies. Sort of like Hvmat suits. But on hot days we quickly discard that. It became a sauna in there and quick. So most of the time we wore long sleeve shirts, plastic gloves underneath work gloves, and our cotton masks so we didn’t get shit in our mouths. Sorry if I am blunt but that’s pretty much the truth. And I am not a big liar, I don’t mince words or make things better than they really were. I speak truth. Till it hurts. And only till it hurts do you know that my words are truth.
I am truth.
So we would get put in a hose into the septic tank and it would start sucking all the vile crap into the truck. But sometimes, just sometimes, the truck would fail, or we weren’t able to get too close to the septic tank due to the position of the house or landscape. So we had to do it oldschool and use plastic buckets and literally had to scoop up the shit and walk to where there were trees and plants and dump it there, (its good fertilizer). And you could see everything in each bucket, every piece of floating feces. Which now looked more like a big tank of diarrhea. You could see every cigarette butt floating, every piece of corn, every qtip. Toilet paper that is now something far from paper. After a while we took off the plastic over our bodies, you try working in 95 degree weather wrapped in plastic. Next the long sleeve shirts came off soon enough.
One fine day, we weren’t able to get to the water main and thus the septic tank kept filling up as soon as we got ahead in trying to empty it. Turns out the genius who designed the tank put in a emergency valve within the tank that could be turned to shut down the septic line. So someone had to volunteer to put their arms in there and dig around for the valve and shut it off. We took out a deck of playing cards we drew and lowest number was the winner, guess who won? Not much of a prize for me. So I stick my arm in there, cant find it, the smell is even worse when both your arms are knee deep in waste. I finally find the valve but since my gloves are covered in plastic I kept slipping off the valve. I had to take off the plastic. And stick my bare arms right into the sewage. And even that way my hands kept slipping off the valve. I could feel the steel valve not budging. Each turn only reinforced the idea that it would not turn. I finally said enough was enough. I pulled out of the sewage and took off my gloves. My coworkers nodded, and shook their heads, they knew it had to be done and they were just happy it was me and not them. My boss came and knelt before and said he appreciated what I was doing and that he would be throwing in an extra 20 dollars on my paycheck that week. I nodded, I really didn’t think 20 dollars was close to enough but was glad for it nonetheless.
As I put my hands in, I could feel the crap around my arms, my hands, my fingers. My mind tried to block out what my hands and fingers were touching. As I grabbed hold of the valve, I could feel my fingers squishing feces. The feel of it, the texture, course and rough but slipping through my fingers and hands. Have you ever put your hands in shit? You think its hard and dry, it is not, it is smooth and no texture, and the little texture you feel, you feel bits of food they had eaten, bits of the vegetables or meats. And in your minds eye you can see flies eating the feces, and cockroaches scuttling between it, within it, savoring the moist brown feces. Everything that is awful in the world is now in my hands, my fingers, infiltrating my nose. And I learn what true hate and loathing is.
And just like that the valve finally starts to turn. I turn it right, as hard and as fast as I can.
I turn my head to my coworkers, and tell its its off now, they clap and cheer and start using the blue buckets to start clearing out the tank. As I pull my arms out and see what is dripping everyone stays quiet.
A few pat me on the back, tell me good job. My boss comes over and says its 2pm, says I can take the rest of the day off paid. He says I earned it. I given a white towel to clean off. And I feel even dirtier with that white towel, as I can see everything that now wipes off on it.
I tell you this story for a reason. You see Balkan you have lived a shit life. But you seem to excuse it, you revel in it. You lived a hard life and no one can sit there and tell you that they know exactly what you have been through. Because it would be a lie. No one can tell you that they know what you feel, or been through what you’ve been through. It would be a lie. But you cant let your past and your life make you out to be a shit excuse of a person. You cant let others dictate who and what you are. You said it yourself, you wanted to be in the cage, you wanted to fight. Your past only made it clear, only give you the reason, not the excuse to become what you became. A different path, a different choice, who knows what might have been for you. But it was not to be. You are who you are because that is what you wanted for yourself. If you hate its because YOU want to hate not because of the hard life you led. If you hurt others its because YOU want to hurt them not because its all you know. Basically what I am telling you is, if you are a shitty person, don’t blame the shit on your arms, blame yourself.
Thank you.
This is all I have to say.
..Fade….to…..Darkness…...
Do not get used to crap.
When I was 17 I worked in a waste disposal unit. We would fix septic tanks, sewage lines, anything to do with disposal and crap we fixed it. Usually it meant we would have to dig and dig till we got to the tank or the pipes. Once there, the only way to fix the tank is simple, we need to break a hole in the septic tank, usually at the top. As we would break through the cement the smell would hit us. And it didn’t matter if we were those cotton masks around our nose and mouth. The smell was something that can not be forgotten, even 20 years later those smells still haunt me. Hahaha, yeah shit smells but a 6 foot cement bowl full of it, well you need to be there to understand.
And why I am discussing this will become evident at the end. Lucas you have the poet of a soul. You speak eloquently. You are careful with your words, mindful of your emotions. You remember your past very well. And that is a good thing, because if we forget the past we are doomed to repeat it.
We begin by trying to put as much moveable plastic on our bodies. Sort of like Hvmat suits. But on hot days we quickly discard that. It became a sauna in there and quick. So most of the time we wore long sleeve shirts, plastic gloves underneath work gloves, and our cotton masks so we didn’t get shit in our mouths. Sorry if I am blunt but that’s pretty much the truth. And I am not a big liar, I don’t mince words or make things better than they really were. I speak truth. Till it hurts. And only till it hurts do you know that my words are truth.
I am truth.
So we would get put in a hose into the septic tank and it would start sucking all the vile crap into the truck. But sometimes, just sometimes, the truck would fail, or we weren’t able to get too close to the septic tank due to the position of the house or landscape. So we had to do it oldschool and use plastic buckets and literally had to scoop up the shit and walk to where there were trees and plants and dump it there, (its good fertilizer). And you could see everything in each bucket, every piece of floating feces. Which now looked more like a big tank of diarrhea. You could see every cigarette butt floating, every piece of corn, every qtip. Toilet paper that is now something far from paper. After a while we took off the plastic over our bodies, you try working in 95 degree weather wrapped in plastic. Next the long sleeve shirts came off soon enough.
One fine day, we weren’t able to get to the water main and thus the septic tank kept filling up as soon as we got ahead in trying to empty it. Turns out the genius who designed the tank put in a emergency valve within the tank that could be turned to shut down the septic line. So someone had to volunteer to put their arms in there and dig around for the valve and shut it off. We took out a deck of playing cards we drew and lowest number was the winner, guess who won? Not much of a prize for me. So I stick my arm in there, cant find it, the smell is even worse when both your arms are knee deep in waste. I finally find the valve but since my gloves are covered in plastic I kept slipping off the valve. I had to take off the plastic. And stick my bare arms right into the sewage. And even that way my hands kept slipping off the valve. I could feel the steel valve not budging. Each turn only reinforced the idea that it would not turn. I finally said enough was enough. I pulled out of the sewage and took off my gloves. My coworkers nodded, and shook their heads, they knew it had to be done and they were just happy it was me and not them. My boss came and knelt before and said he appreciated what I was doing and that he would be throwing in an extra 20 dollars on my paycheck that week. I nodded, I really didn’t think 20 dollars was close to enough but was glad for it nonetheless.
As I put my hands in, I could feel the crap around my arms, my hands, my fingers. My mind tried to block out what my hands and fingers were touching. As I grabbed hold of the valve, I could feel my fingers squishing feces. The feel of it, the texture, course and rough but slipping through my fingers and hands. Have you ever put your hands in shit? You think its hard and dry, it is not, it is smooth and no texture, and the little texture you feel, you feel bits of food they had eaten, bits of the vegetables or meats. And in your minds eye you can see flies eating the feces, and cockroaches scuttling between it, within it, savoring the moist brown feces. Everything that is awful in the world is now in my hands, my fingers, infiltrating my nose. And I learn what true hate and loathing is.
And just like that the valve finally starts to turn. I turn it right, as hard and as fast as I can.
I turn my head to my coworkers, and tell its its off now, they clap and cheer and start using the blue buckets to start clearing out the tank. As I pull my arms out and see what is dripping everyone stays quiet.
A few pat me on the back, tell me good job. My boss comes over and says its 2pm, says I can take the rest of the day off paid. He says I earned it. I given a white towel to clean off. And I feel even dirtier with that white towel, as I can see everything that now wipes off on it.
I tell you this story for a reason. You see Balkan you have lived a shit life. But you seem to excuse it, you revel in it. You lived a hard life and no one can sit there and tell you that they know exactly what you have been through. Because it would be a lie. No one can tell you that they know what you feel, or been through what you’ve been through. It would be a lie. But you cant let your past and your life make you out to be a shit excuse of a person. You cant let others dictate who and what you are. You said it yourself, you wanted to be in the cage, you wanted to fight. Your past only made it clear, only give you the reason, not the excuse to become what you became. A different path, a different choice, who knows what might have been for you. But it was not to be. You are who you are because that is what you wanted for yourself. If you hate its because YOU want to hate not because of the hard life you led. If you hurt others its because YOU want to hurt them not because its all you know. Basically what I am telling you is, if you are a shitty person, don’t blame the shit on your arms, blame yourself.
Thank you.
This is all I have to say.
..Fade….to…..Darkness…...
