Post by 💀 ＡＰＯＫ 💀 on May 26, 2020 12:54:33 GMT -5
Apokalypse is standing at a podium.
Your current… reigning… dominating… conquering… Strike Fantasy Towers Intercontinental Heavyweight Champion of the World… APOKALYPSE… is coming to [somewhere] in Mesa, Arizona on Tuesday, June 2nd for Tuesday Night Titans! There you will bear witness to the first contact between Apokalypse and Rumpke! This championship… this brilliant, strong, prestigious championship… will NOT be on the line in this hardcore match! Hardcore match? NO! It’s a hardcore WAR! That’s what you’re going to see with your eyes and experience with your souls! Never before has Rumpke faced a monster the likes of Apokalypse! Never before has Apokalypse faced a disgusting drunkard like Rumpke! It’s a match made in HELL!
Is that where I am?! IN HELL?! I have spent Titans after Titans destroying all who stand before me! Jack Jones! Reaper! Jamo! Robert Saints! Louis Cypher! Twilight! I have defeated SIX men in FIVE matches! Do you know what that means?! I have already defeated HALF of the SFT roster! IN ONLY FIVE MATCHES! Number six comes next week when I show up to [somewhere] in Mesa, Arizona! My sixth victory will be against Rumpke… DUH! I haven’t come this far to only come this far! The sky is the limit for me! If there is a glass ceiling… I will smash it… and let the shards slice up the rest of the SFT roster! I have been unstoppable so far… and the best is yet to come! OR IS IT THE WORST?! That’s for Rumpke to find out next Tuesday! I’m well aware that hardcore is his domain and he is kind of a big deal when there are weapons involved! He is the embodiment of the Hardcore Championship… despite giving it up like a COWARD! What Rumpke doesn’t realize… is that I am the DEFINITION of HARDCORE!
He pauses… trying to catch his breath after all that yelling…
Okay. Enough of that. For now. My true purpose for being here today is to talk to you about Rumpke’s addiction to alcohol. See… he isn’t brave enough to be here today… so… here I am. My name is Apokalypse… and I am NOT an alcoholic… but I am here to help all of you. So, let’s start out with the motto or whatever…
He looks out at the group of men and women, and they recite along with him.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
He nods his head and clears his throat.
Very good. So… I hear you folks have a twelve step program. Rumpke has probably read the steps and forgotten them already. He is powerless over alcohol. His life has become unmanageable. There is a power greater than him who could restore him to sanity… and that power is Apokalypse. I hope he makes a decision to turn his will and his life over to the care of Apokalypse. Rumpke also needs to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of himself before he admits to Apokalypse the exact nature of his wrongs. I will remove all of the defects of his character once he is entirely ready for me to do so. If he humbly asks, I will remove his shortcomings. I need him to make a list of all persons he has harmed… but only if he is willing to make amends to them all. Next, he must make direct amends to them wherever possible, except when doing so would injure them or others. He will not be forever cleansed, as he must continue to take personal inventory and when he is wrong… promptly admit it. Through prayer and meditation… he can improve conscious contact with Apokalypse. At the end of it all… it is my hope that he has a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps… and then he will carry this message to alcoholics… and he will practice these principles in all of his affairs.
He looks out at the gathering.
Yes, of course I had to read that off of my notes. There’s no way I was going to memorize all twelve steps… but all of YOU should. This isn’t just a bunch of mumbo jumbo. It’s a solid plan to turn your lives around. Follow me and you will be fulfilled. I am Apokalypse… and I am YOUR savior!
He raises his arms in the air and he is met with thunderous applause from the men and women at Alcoholics Anonymous. Don’t worry. Their faces are all blurred out. Because they’re anonymous. Or whatever. The scene fades out… and back in as Apokalypse climbs into his black 2022 GMC Hummer. Yes, he owns a vehicle that will not be released to the public until NEXT fall. He starts the truck and starts off to somewhere or nowhere or whatever. Who cares? Then his phone rings and he presses the bluetooth button on the steering wheel.
Hey, babe. What’s up?
Are you done with the AA meeting?
Yeah. I just left a few minutes ago.
Good.
What’s wrong?
I still think the whole idea is stupid, and it mocks the struggle that alcoholics face in their daily lives.
That’s… the… point…
I get that you’re a big bad guy pro wrestler… but there are some lines you just shouldn’t cross.
You don’t think Rumpke would cross that same line if I had such a huge weakness?
I don’t know Rumpke… but I’m hoping no, he wouldn’t.
I think he would. I think anyone in SFT would attack me with everything they’ve got… if they knew my weaknesses. But… I… uhh… don’t have any weaknesses.
He winks at the camera.
I’m fortunate that nobody in SFT has hit me with any kind of deep, personal, verbal beatings. Of the doofy dozen… Rumpke is the BEST at verbal battles… and he is the most likely to give me the fight I’ve craved all these months. Aside from being a former Hardcore Champion… he’s also a former Intercontinental and World Champion. From what I’ve gathered… this man is a cornerstone of SFT and his blood, sweat and tears have made it possible for me to be here today… for me to be as dominant as I am today… for me to BE the champion I am today.
You’re there… you’re dominant… and you’re the champion because of YOU, not because of Rumpke.
Maybe so. I just feel like I owe this man a debt of gratitude for being the backbone of this place. The talent pool is so shallow, and the level of competition is weak as fuck… but Rumpke… he gives their meaningless existence value. He’s a fighter… and that’s what I’ve been waiting for. True grit. Determination. Strength beyond strength. If he can stay sober on Tuesday… he MIGHT stand a chance at defeating me.
How do you know alcohol is not the reason he is so strong?
What do you mean?
Like when Popeye eats spinach.
Oh damn! That could be. Well… then I’d like to see how strong he is WITHOUT alcohol. Maybe being sober is his kryptonite. Maybe alcohol is the yellow sun that fuels his powers. Maybe…
Maybe you’re digging too deep into the situation. Maybe he’s just a guy and you’re just a guy and…
NO! I am NOT just a guy! I am Apokalypse, the ruler and commander of all things SFT!
Save it for the ring, champ.
Sorry. Listen, I’ll be home in a few hours. I’m going to stop by the gym and lift heavy things for a bit.
Sounds good. Will you pick up something for supper on your way home?
Sure. What do you want?
Whatever.
Whatever?
Yup.
Click.
