Post by 💀 ＡＰＯＫ 💀 on May 12, 2020 13:41:34 GMT -5
a l p h a
"Good day, humanity! I am your one true god Apokalypse! Maker and unmaker! Everything that is and is not! Today… I would like to talk to you about perspective. As an outsider… I look at SFT as a new land ro conquer. I could see feeble men slap boxing each other week after week, unable to truly and decisively defeat one another. The doofy dozen have spent weeks and months and even years inside of their biodome, unable to expand their wings and take on new challengers."
"And then Apokalypse happened!"
"Titans after Titans… I took on the doofy dozen and derisively defeated everyone who looked at me the wrong way. Jack Jones. Jamo. Reaper. Robert Saints. All failed to derail this megatrain of power and destruction. On Friday… Twilight joins the heap of bodies in my wake. Then… the ultimate challenge… Louis Cypher. The man with the Midas Touch. Wherever he goes… gold follows. I've seen the record books. I know he's got the innards of a champion. It's only a matter of time before he speaks up and foolishly denies my innate dominance."
"Louis Cypher is one of the key players in this one ring circus… and I'm one week away from putting him down for good. From my perspective… he doesn't stand a chance at dethroning your Intercontinental King. From his perspective… I'm just a guy with a funny name who doesn't matter because I'm new to SFT and only the doofy dozen matters because they had nowhere else to go. Am I in the ballpark here? Louie had been loyal to this brand for so long that he doesn't realize an entire universe exists outside of this bubble."
"In that universe… I am the ultimate ruler. I have won countless titles and been entered into many halls of fame. Oh… but the outside world holds no relevance here in The Village. All of the glitz and glamour outside of this poor, simple community is just noise that the mouthbreathers here simply cannot understand. Maybe a numbskull like Luci could understand that one metaphor about fish. Let's try it out."
"Lucifer… you are a big fish in a small pond… and I am a meteor shower crashing into everything you've ever known."
"Okay. That was a terrible metaphor. As your current and future King… I promise to work on my metaphors. They may not tie everything together within the attention span of a squirrel that Louie C. has… but that's not why I'm here. I'm not here to be cute and witty. I'm not here to entertain the giant toddlers on this broken down playground of a roster. I'm here to break bones and win belts."
"Notice I said WIN belts. Next Tuesday… after I hit Louis with Apokalypse Now… I will OFFICIALLY be crowned Strike Fantasy Towers Intercontinental Heavyweight Champion of the Universe! That's a mighty long name for my belt… but I like it. It stands out above all others. Yes, there are more than three titles in the universe. It's hard to imagine for some with circus peanuts for brains. I will raise the bar for championships during my supreme reign over SFT. Phase one starts next Tuesday when I officially WIN this title. Then… once I win the Hardcore and World Championships… I will melt the plates down and create a Super Triple Crown Championship!"
"Yes… I'm aware there is a silly unwritten rule disallowing champions from holding more than one title at a time… but sometimes… it still happens from time to time. Exceptions are made for exceptional champions… and you're looking at the most exceptional of all. Apokalypse will soon be Super Triple Crown Champion… and that quest could be ended abruptly by Lou Cypher. Keyword: could. I'm not saying it is probable… but it IS possible."
"If there is an unwritten rule about losing a title via countout or disqualification… then Cypher would walk out champion. If I get struck by lightning during a jog through the park… then Cypher could walk out champion. If I suddenly quit because there is not a bowl of lime Skittles in my personal locker room… then Cypher could walk out champion."
"LIME SKITTLES!
"NOT GREEN APPLE SKITTLES!"
"FUCK THAT UP ONE MORE TIME! JUST ONE… MORE… TIME!!!"
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"I need to breathe. I get worked up about the strangest things sometimes. One thing I shouldn't get worked up about is Louis Cypher. He's leagues underneath my league… and it shows. He's coasted by for years being the shiniest turd in this compost. He's been handed title shot upon title shot. I can boldly claim this is his one and only shot at taking me out. I sure as fuck hope he doesn't waste the opportunity of a lifetime."
"But… I predict he will…"
The phone rings, interrupting his awesome words. He answers it on speaker phone because he has nothing to hide.
"Good afternoon, sir. My name is Clarabelle Bumpkins and I'm calling from SFT human resources. I'm calling today to inform you that there is a formal investigation into allegations that you've been saying hurtful things about your fellow roster mates here in SFT. All of your prior and future promos will be digitally inspected by our team to determine if you will be reprimanded for your alleged actions. This is just a courtesy call---"
"Listen, bitch! I don't give two shits or a fuck what those hairless apes on the roster think about how I shoot my promos! You wanna investigate… go right ahead! I stand by all of the hurtful things I've said about each of those rat bastards! While you're at it… I hope you inspect all of THEM to determine which of them is WORTHY of fighting me! My private investigation is turning up no leads! Also… eat shit and die!"
He angrily hangs up the cell phone by throwing it at a wall, shattering it into dozens of pieces.
"FUCK! THAT'S THE FIFTH ONE THIS MONTH!"
o m e g a
”We are living on the brink of the Apokalypse, but the world is asleep.”
-Joel C. Rosenberg
-Joel C. Rosenberg
