Post by 💀 ＡＰＯＫ 💀 on Apr 28, 2020 22:34:00 GMT -5
The following is a public service announcement brought to you in full by Apokalypse Inc. The following content in no way represents the views of Strike Fantasy Towers, its sponsors or shareholders. Parental discretion is advised.
"Greetings, people of Earth! My name is Apokalypse! I am your commander, your conqueror, your superhero, your overlord, your alpha, your omega! I am what goes bump in the night! I am---"
"Seriously! Shut UP already!"
"Whoa! What crawled up your ass?!"
"Enough with this crap. They get it. You're a badass. You can verbally bury Robert Saints all day… every day… and it won't have any affect on your match next week."
"The people NEED content! I'm the ONLY one giving them what they NEED!"
"You're beating a dead horse. The people will tune into Titans regardless of how much you talk about Robert Saints."
"Will they though? I don't even know what channel Titans is on. I don't know what arena we wrestle in every week. Nobody knows anything. There's not enough content."
"You're not going to change the system. It is what it is."
"No, no, no. It is what we make it."
"You're not going to make a difference in SFT. Sure, you'll win a lot… and probably a title even. Then what? You'll get bored beating the same four people every month. Once Saints is out of the way… you will have beaten a third of the roster… in only three matches. How much fun can this be for you?"
"My mission has been made abundantly clear. I must finish what I started. I must bring home all the belts. One. Last. Time."
Scene fades out and now shows an aerial shot of ravaged streets in Detroit. The whole city is a shitshow. Only the homeless hang out on the streets. The camera zooms in to a man standing on top of a bus that at one point exploded and was then abandoned in the street. That man is…
"APOKALYPSE! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"
He looks at the camera.
"SFT! My arrival was prophesied as the end of everything! And so it will be! Three men have challenged me! All three turned to dust! Now a viper steps up to the plate against the strongest monster Apokalypse! This viper is a former ZERO time SFT World Champion! This viper has LOST the SFT Intercontinental Championship a record FOUR times! This viper is about to be SKINNED alive at Titans 83! He has dared to challenge the almighty unstoppable beast man Apokalypse! HOW! DARE! HE! The world witnessed the pure and unnatural DAMAGE done to Jack Jones and Jamo and Reaper! Now HE thinks he can step up and take me down?! HA FUCKING HA!"
"Come get some, viper boy! Get you a clean diaper and throw on a cute vest! Come fight me at Titans 83, you COWARD! Prove that you have the heart of a champion! Show the WORLD why you're ready to be THE MAN! Stop the unbeatable god before he takes over everything! JUST! DO! IT!"
He catches his breath.
"... or just show up and get your ass kicked. Put up as little of a fight as possible so you can collect your pay and head home so your wife can take care of you. Robert Saints… if you put up too much of a fight… I will get angry… and you'll end up in the morgue. "
He climbs down from the bus and starts walking down the empty street, hands in his pockets.
"Now what? I've said so much and it's all too quiet around here. I guess I just wait for the viper to strike. He probably has to wait for permission from his wife to borrow his balls long enough to cut a promo. Things are different for me, I guess. My wife doesn't own me. She doesn't tell me what I can or cannot do. Robert Saints and Apokalypse are wildly different even as husbands. Who would've guessed?"
"Well… I would've guessed… and I would be right… because I'm always right. Duuuhhhh!"
"Robert Saints… uhh… get bent, nerd!"
Apokalypse is done for you… for now...
"That even an Apokalypse can be made to seem part of the ordinary horizon of expectation constitutes an unparalleled violence that is being done to our sense of reality, to our humanity."
-Susan Sontag
-Susan Sontag
