What can I do?

I am losing my light. Losing my way.



I sit at a beige desk counting the minutes, counting the seconds. Time seems to be going by so slow. Pictures on the desk are gone, silent and bland. Faces seem to blur together. Forgetting who I was. Or who I am supposed to be.



Emerson yapping in the background telling me I should do this or do that. I must remind him I do not preach to him or anyone. I do not care. What I say is and has always been for me and mine.



I dont have time for you Emerson. You deserve my time, and I apologize. Time is beginning to swim away from what can I do? What can I do?



Even now speaking to you I feel guilt. You deserve better than the effort I am giving? But I spread myself too thin and now I am not who I should be. What can I do?



Emerson you are the heart and soul of SFT. No one better exists, not in reality. Maybe not even in the ring. What can I do?



I’ve sailed through the darkness of my life, hoping to see some sign of god and I have yet to see him. I do not think he resides with us anymore. What can I do? What should I do?



I saw a movie last night, Labyrinth with David Bowie. I almost cried. He used to say that he wished he could be in that little world forever lost in the endless Labyrinth. I miss him. What can I do? A part of me is gone and never to return. What can I do? I am not whole anymore. What can I do!



Now that the world has gone dark and forgotten me and mine. What am I supposed to do? Here I lay forgotten and discarded, hoping someone can save me from myself. What can I do?



Everyday is a never ending series of events having to deal with people who will not understand a thing. Caring more about a spilt drink than the real issues of the house. Sad but tru. What can I do?



Emerson help me, stop thinking of me as your friend or your opponent think of me as a drowning person. Save me please. What can I do?!



But I know Em it is not your job to save. Never has been. And I am not the type to put my faith in anyone. It falls on me, always falls on me. What am I to do? What should I do?



Emerson do you have any advice id be willing to listen? Anyone? Hello? What can I do? What should I do?



I’ve sat in a sinking boat all to myself for so long, and I need a lifeline. I need some help. I need a hand. I need a friend to say I am not alone. I am not alone. You can count on me, I will keep you above water. But I do not get that said. I preach so that the emptiness does not get to me. What can I do?



I am alone Emerson in life and in SFT. I feel so empty. And the feeling does not go away. I am afraid. I am forgetting. I….I…. I dont know what to do? What can I do?



Life has handed me lemons. God has not yet made lemonade, instead turned the lemons into limes. I am alone stuck inside these self made walls. Stuck inside my head. I am hurting. I am angry. And I dont know what I can do?!



I have run out of time my friend. Listen to me Emerson. I do not preach to you. I preach to no one. I speak solely to make sure my voice is still with me. Do not take what I say to heart, I have no heart with which to say these things. But take my voice and discard it like I have discarded myself. Please.

What else can I do?



I am tired. I need to rest.



…Fade….to…..Darkness…...